Oh God! Another Damned Romantic Comedy!
by Rose Royce
Summary: [Student Screws Teacher]All these Inuyasha romantic comedies, it drives me CRAZY! But I decided to poke fun at them with these stupid parodies! INUYASHAxKAGOME 4EVER! MIROKUxSANGO EVENTUALLY!
1. A basic HighSchool Romantic Comedy!

Romantic comedies are soo popular on this site, I just had to make fun of them! I'm only doing this for fun, so you don't have to review, but I would like to see this get over 200 reviews!

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This awful parody begins at a high school called Baka High! Here we find Kagome and Sango sitting at their homeroom class waiting on the teacher, or something like that. They were giggling and chatting and gossiping about the teachers like everyone else until Inuyasha showed up. The whole classroom got silent because that's kinda like a cliché for these types of comedies. 

"Who's that?" Kagome whispered to Sango, staring at his outer beauty as if he was a god. "And why do we have to be so quiet?"

"Shhh, Kagome!" Sango whispered back, "Wait till he sits down!" It takes half and hour for Inuyasha to sit down at his desk because time slowed down when he made his debut. Then the class went back to normal speed.

"Who is that hot guy with the ears?" Kagome asks Sango again.

"That's Inuyasha Taisho, Inutaisho Taisho's youngest son and Sesshomaru Taisho's bro! He's uber rich!" Kagome looked at Inuyasha with loving eyes. Inuyasha caught her staring at him and put up a sign that said: "WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU LOOKING AT?" Kagome snapped her head forward to look at her teacher, who came in an hour late because she was sleeping in the hot tub in Teacher's Lounge and lost track of time.

Kagome couldn't help to fall in love with Inuyasha Taisho. He was so hot! And so athletic; another cliché! She couldn't help goggling at him like ALL the other desperate girls who want to get into his pants. She wrote his name in little hearts on her notebooks, and she would always bring him up in her conversations with her friends, Sango, Miroku, and even Shippo, who magically had a rapid growth spurt and thus ended up in High School.

"If you love him so much, why don't you talk to him and ask him out?" Sango said at lunch one day.

"I…don't know, I never asked anyone out before," Kagome replied timidly, looking down at her ramen, the same exact lunch meal that they had EVERYDAY!

"I think it might be too late for that." Shippo said, looking at a table across the way. Kagome looked at the direction Shippo was pointing and GASP! Inuyasha was making out with Kikyo, the school slut in this story and every other romantic comedy story that takes place in High School and the Head Cheerleader for the Baka High Paper Clip Demons! Kikyo flirted with every guy at school every hour on the hour. She flirted with underclassmen and slept with the seniors. She dated nerds, emos, Goths, jocks, and all those stereotypes that seem to pop up in these romantic comedies, too. She wore the school uniform, but her skirt was sooo SHORT it was rumored you could see a little bit of her starch white panties (If she wore panties that day) without having to look under, and her shirt was pulled back tightly so she could show off her goodies, and not one teacher wrote her up for these wardrobe felonies because they were all perverts.

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" Cried Kagome. Everyone froze to look at her like and idiot. "I've got nothing to live for! Why can't I get a date with the one I love?"

"That would make too much sense in these stories," Sango said, looking at Inuyasha and Kinky-Ho exit out the cafeteria, still swapping spit.

"Besides," Miroku said, moving closer to Sango, "You're too slow. I, however, let my love know what my intentions are as soon as possible." He rubbed Sango's ass and Sango slapped him one. "Wait! I got an idea! The Winter Formal is coming up, you can ask him to be your date for the dance, and ask him out when the time is right!"

"Kikyo's relationships are notoriously short." Sango added.

"That sounds like a good idea! You guys are such great friends!" Kagome said, walking over to them to give them a hug.

Just like that, it was time for the Winter Formal. Everyone was dressed to the nines and dancing at the nice hotel where the dance was held. Kagome came into the ballroom dressed in a long green dress with a pink flower clipped to her hair.

"I'm nervous," She said, looking at Inuyasha, who was actually alone.

"Don't be!" Sango scolded. Sango was wearing a hot pink halter dress with black lace trim. "Now get out there before Kinky-Ho shows up!" Sango pushed her so hard Kagome flew to Inuyasha and bumped him.

"Hey! Watch it, wench!" Inuyasha said rudely, not realizing it was Kagome. "Hey, you're that Kagome girl in my homeroom! And Home economics, and biology, and social, studies, and Japanese, and English, and—"

"YES! I'm in all of you classes and me always will be in these stories!" Kagome interrupted, looking nervous. "Do you want to dance?"

"What?"

"Do you want to dance?"

"Sorry I'm looking for Kikyo right now…"

"KIKYO?" Kagome screamed; everyone froze to look at her again. Then she calmed down and said, "Follow me!" She grabbed him by the doggy ears and dragged him out the door. They went upstairs to the top floor and Kagome kicked down a room door. There in plain sight was Kikyo was sleeping with…BANKOTSU!

"Kikyo, how could you?" Inuyasha cried. Kikyo had a satisfied look on her face.

"You took to long to sleep with me, so I dumped you behind you back like any slut would do in a romantic comedy!"

"But with Bankotsu?" Inuyasha asked. Then Renkotsu popped up.

"And Renkotsu?" Sesshomaru popped out from the sheets.

"Bro! Ewwwww!" And the Koga popped out.

"Ko—well I don't care about him…" Kagome muttered. And THEN Naraku popped out of the sheets.

"You know the Authoress is going to kill you, right?" Inuyasha and Kagome said together. Naraku just ran out the room.

"Anymore bastards in that bed you're grinding with I should know about?"

"No, I don't think so, unless YOU want to get in." Kinky-Ho said, smirking. Kagome, full of rage, went up to that skank and punched her lights out.

"How dare you! He loved you and you take advantage of him by sleeping with guys that aren't even supposed to be in this parody! A real girlfriend will always stay with the one they love and not have anyone on the side for pleasure!" Out of the blue, the sound of an encore filled the room. Inuyasha gave Kagome a hug.

"Thank you for sticking up for me," Inuyasha whispered to her.

"I would never do that to MY boyfriend, if I had." Kagome responded.

"Now, how 'bout that dance…girlfriend?"

"Are you serious?"

"What do you think?"

And so, Inuyasha and Kagome danced the night away as boyfriend and girlfriend. They later got married and had ten kids! Miroku and Sango also got married and had TWENTY kids! Kinky-Ho—I mean—Kikyo did not learn her lesson and became a hooker. And…that's that. Now get lost! Parody's over!

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**INUYASHA AND KAGOME FOREVER! **

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	2. Stereotypes A la Carte!

I'm supposed to be working on a drama series right now, but luckly for all you dorks I forgot the name of the Original character! Anyway, I decided to make this a series of one-shots to cover most of the different types of romantic comedies for Inuyaha out there. Thistype has got to be the least humorous out of all of them.

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Here we are, back in school. Everyone got issues—no—everyone's got a stereotype! YAY! But, we all know social labels are bad, but that doesn't stop them from coming into the world of ROMANTIC COMEDIES! Now, let this god-awful parody begin, shall we nerds?

Inuyasha didn't take shit from any one; he was his own person, and a very violent one at that. He would curse out anyone but not give two shits about it, especially if they were adults. Inuyasha always gotten into trouble, even if he didn't try. This earned him the social label "Punk", and this fits him well, even if he was still in the Feudal Era.

Kagome was a "Goth". Makes no damn sense when you think about it. Her mother hated her guts because she didn't want to be like any of the "other" bitches—I mean—girls at her school. She wore dark colored, classy clothing like corsets and chokers. Not many people wanted to talk to her, let alone look at her, because of her beliefs and the way she dressed. "Preps" often think of her as some kind of devil-worshiper or a Wiccan, or something awful like that.

The two first fell in love when Kagome entered her History class two minutes late after the bell rang. She gave the teacher a tardy slip.

"Why were you late today, Ms. Higurashi?" The teacher asked. Kagome was simply going to say "I overslept", but some "Prep" named Ayame interrupted her and blurted out:

"I bet she was trying to auction off her soul and lost track of time!"

Some of the other girls thought this shit was funny, so they giggled their annoying little squeaky giggles. Kagome gave them all an angry face.

"Oh, yeah, like I would sell my soul away to anyone who'll pay just like YOU would give head to anyone who'll pay, am I right?" Kagome said sarcastically, pointing at the loud mouthed girl.

"Ooo, someone's angry! What are you going to do? Summon some little demons to attack me? Cast a spell to teach me a lesson?"

"You little bit—"

"SHUT UP, AYAME!" Inuyasha yelled. Everyone looked from Kagome and Ayame to him. "No one was fucking talking to you in the first place! And get off of Kagome just because she's not like you're skanky ass!"

"That's enough! Inuyasha and Kagome, go to the principal's office!"

"What the hell did I do?" Kagome asked angrily, Inuyasha already stormed out the door.

"For starting uproar in the class, now go!" Kagome headed to the door and got a good look at Ayame's make-up heavy face. She had a satisfied smile on her face.

At the office, Kagome plopped down next to Inuyasha, who looked at her unpleasantly while sitting next to an "Emo" Naraku, who got caught cutting himself with a scalpel during Science class out of pity for the frog he was to dissect, thinking that people will do that to him one day for being a freak.

"What?" Kagome asked.

"Nothin'…" Inuyasha replied, looking away. They were silent for a few minutes, waiting on their retarded vice principal.

Kagome broke the silence. "Thanks for sticking up for me."

"Feh."

"Is that all you have to say? What the fuck is 'feh'? You're welcome would be nice!"

"Hey, I can't say 'you're welcome', alright? It'll ruin my coolness as a 'Punk' in these stereotypical romantic comedies!"

"Hmm, you're right, and what's so romantic about this sub-category of romantic comedies anyway? They seem depressing when you have all these labeled cannon characters going at each others throats for being different."

"They're doing it out of love, dude. Its so angsty, it's funny. Especially when you throw in a ghetto cannon character!" And speak of the devil, here comes Koga.

Koga was wearing all these gold chains and has, like, five rings on each finger. He wore a do-rag (sp?) under his brown cap that was worn sideways. Koga was also sporting cornrows and baggy brown pants that were sagging dramatically, showing off a great amount of his Halloween boxers and a tight whit wife-beater.

"'Sup dog?" Koga greeted Inuyasha, pulling his pants up slightly before sitting down.

"Dude, I'm not your fucking dog!" Inuyasha growled. Koga motioned him to clam down with his hands.

"Chill man, chill. You ain't gotta be so tense all tha time!"

"Why are you here?"

"Yo, check this out, man. It was P.E. yo, and bitch named Sango didn't have here uniform. Today we ere playin' some B-ball and she was making all these slam dunks. I got next to her when she made another dunk and I saw her pink panties, man! Then the ho caught me, callin' me a perv. I was like 'bitch, wear some fucking shorts!' The she tol' the teacher whoopty whoop woop and sent me hurr."

"…Okay."

Koga started to eye, Kagome, looking at her up and down and what not. "This your bitch? She sure is a fine _dimepiece_!"

"Hey, she ain't my bitch okay! She's just some Goth who got me in trouble"

"Hey! I didn't get you into trouble!" Kagome yelled at Inuyasha. "You got yourself into trouble calling Ayame a skank!"

"Well it's true!" Inuyasha yelled back. "And you know it!"

"You're right, but if you didn't stand up for me, maybe none of this would happen!"

"But I had to! Somebody had to!"

"It's not like your kind to support anyone anyway!"

"My kind? Fuck that! I did it because I like you! Do you want to go see a concert with me one day?"

"And I like you too! Sure Why the hell not?"

"I wish someone would like me…" Naraku said quietly to no one in particular. Kagome, Inuyasha and Koga all looked at him funny. Naraku turned around and started crying and gently slitting his wrist with a piece of broken glass he found outside on the school parking lot.

Because I'm lazy, I'm going to speed up and cut to the chase here. Inuyasha and Kagome became a solid couple despite their stereotypical differences. Koga is still being his "ghetto-fabulous" self, Naraku did indeed find someone to love, but that person didn't love him back, making him 10 times more miserable than he was before. And Ayame? She's such a poser; she decided she wanted to be "Emo" for fun. And this was just wrong.

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**Labels are wrong, yes, but can we stop them? I have no idea. Stereotypical romantic comedies…dramatic in their own humorous way…are making this a bit serious as a one-shot parody. Now this parody is done. Be gone, or I'll send my demons to attack you! **

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(a social labels factoid/rant might be added in the reviews page)


	3. Single Hanyou Male, No Need for Detail!

I have nothing to say to you all. Read and Review, or I'll hunt you down!

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Divorce can be a bitch, all those papers and who likes to talk to lawyers? Just ask Inuyasha, who went through the whole ordeal. Kikyo, who felt that she need to "move on" (whatever that means)…with someone else. Although Inuyasha was a good man, taking care of the kids, had a good paying job, and never abused her, Kikyo cheated on him with his brother Sesshomaru and left. Why did she do this? Who the hell cares? It's a cliché; no one fully explains why the ex leaves, so why should this terrible parody be any different?

Anyway, Inuyasha was devastated. He wouldn't sleep, he wouldn't talk, he wouldn't bathe, and he wouldn't eat — never mind that, he eats all the time—making his son, Shippo, take care of him by brushing his teeth and combing his hair.

Tired of Inuyasha's lack of dignity, Shippo put an ad on the internet and the newspaper; who knows how he did that, but its cliché. The ad read:

Single Hanyou Male

Looking for a Woman who loves dog demons and children

(Only has one kid kitsune)

Call: (555)555-5555

like that, Inuyasha had received many suitors. One after the other, he rejected. None of them would fit as his wife, not because he was still overly-devastated that Kikyo left him, but because they were all so…not right. One woman just came out of an asylum for being dangerously psycho. She admitted to him that she killed a man because he thought he was an evil mutant duck from planet Swamp #5. During the first five minutes of their date, Inuyasha snuck out the restaurant pretending to go to the bathroom, a run-of-the-mill trick. Another woman was a Bondage Queen, too scary. And then _another_ one was so old, that she looked like Kaede, then again, it was Kaede who he was dating for about five seconds…

"All these damned dates! I've dated psychos, convicts, gold-diggers, Jehovah's witnesses, and a transvestite, and none of them are worth it!" Inuyasha cried one night, putting his head down on the dining room table. "I guess I'll be alone forever…"

"Grow up, Inuyasha—I'm mean—_dad_, you'll find someone for you one day, and you'll be very happy!" Shippo said, putting a box of tissues on the table.

"Really, son?"

"Nope!"

_KnockKnockKnock_

"Go get that, Shippo…" Inuyasha mumbled. Shippo grabbed a stool and dragged it over to the door and climbed on top of it to open the door since he's so small. At the door was their neighbor, Kagome, with a freshly baked pie in her hand.

"Hello neighbor," Kagome greeted, bowing. "I'm sorry about your divorce. I know you must be terribly sad, so I decided to make you a cherry pie to make you smile!"

"Thanks, Kagome! HEY DAD! Kagome brought you a pie!" Shippo yelled. Inuyasha came to the door looking disheveled. He had five o' clock shadow, red eyes, and a shirt drenched from tears.

"Kik-kikyo?" Inuyasha muttered, looking at Kagome.

"No, no, I'm Kagome. Kikyo is the lady that divorced you."

"Kik-KIKYOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! WAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" And then he ran off crying.

"Say Kagome," Shippo said, still holding the pie.

"Yes, Shippo?"

"Will you be busy on Wednesday?"

That Wednesday, Kagome and Inuyasha went to the finest café in Japan. After four cups of coffee, and ten orders of cheesecake later, Inuyasha felt that he finally found someone for him. She was nice, generous, and although she had her "blonde moments", she proved to be better than Kikyo. Minutes later, Kikyo showed up with not Sesshy, but with Koga.

"Inuyasha," Kikyo said, clinging onto Koga to make him feel bad. "Attempting to get over me I see."

"I got over you, a long, long, long, long, long, long, long, long, long, long, long ,long ,long ,long ,long ,long, long—"

"ALL RIGHT ALL ALREADY!" The people in the café screamed.

"Hmph! You think you can just replace me can you?" Kikyo snapped. She pushed Koga away and bent over to meet Inuyasha's eyes.

"Yeah. I can." Inuyasha replied, without batting an eye.

"…Let's go Koga…" And with that, Kikyo grabbed a dizzy Koga (he bumped his head on the cashier counter and got hit on the head with falling biscotti.) and stormed out the room. And of course, exactly like in the movies, everyone in the café stood up and gave Inuyasha a round of applause; with Kagome giving him a passionate kiss that was right on queue to fit the mood.

Of course…you knew this was coming…like always…especially in the movies…they get married. Shippo gets a new mom, and there all happy. Blegh, I think I'm going to kill-over from the happiness. The end. Now go away. shoo!

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**There will always be someone for somebody, it takes time to find that person, but when the time is right, they'll come into your life...eventually. Man that was gay!**


	4. Inuyasha: A Mangled Fairy Tale

Once upon a time, in a land far, far, away—like always—in the land of Inuyasha romantic comedies where monarchy was still a dominant government and cottages in the middle of the woods were the "thing", there once was a beautiful queen named Izaoi. One day, Izaoi said to herself,

"Oh, if I ever have a child with that player-pimp of a husband that I have, let he or she have hair as white as snow, eyes as gold as the sun, doggy ears to attract many girls, and a bad attitude to repel them."

A year later, Izaoi's wish finally came true. She gave birth to a son whose hair was white as—why the hell am I repeating this for? LOOK AT THE QUOTE ABOVE GODDAMN IT!—She decided to name him "Inuyasha" because "Snow White" was gay. And of course she then died a few minutes after pushing him out. Inuyasha grew up to be the handsome bastard that we all know today, and King Inutaisho re-married to some bitchy lady who had two sons of her own named Sesshomaru and Hojo, and then committed suicide to escape from the evilness of his new wife. Sesshomaru and Hojo forced Inuyasha to do all the chores around the palace, even if he was royalty. He would clean the floors, wash the clothes, wax the swords, and anything else YOU can think of.

Now, while Inuyasha was being bossed around, and Hojo was being…Hojo, Sesshomaru would be in his little private room in the dungeon, admiring himself in the huge magical mirror that he had hanging there. Time to time, he would ask the magic mirror,

"Mirror mirror on the wall, who's the fairest one of all?"

The mirror would always reply (while mentally rolling its eyes), "Sesshomaru-sama."

But today, the mirror had a different answer.

"Mirror mirror on the wall, who's the fairest one of all?"

"Inuyasha."

"WHAT WAS THAT!"

"I-is nothing compared to Sesshomaru-sama!"

"That's what I thought you said…"

Sesshomaru heard the mirror right, he said "Inuyasha". Jealous he summoned Koga the hunter to kill him, and then bring his heart to confirm that he's dead.

So, Koga lied to Inuyasha saying that he was taking him to the ramen festival and instead took him out in the middle of the forest…which is so typical…Koga felt sorry for poor Inuyasha and told him the truth and to run far away as you can. Koga slaughtered some poor defenseless old woman and gave her heart to Sesshy, who was too stupid to realize it wasn't the heart he wanted until the mirror told him.

Inuyasha ran and ran and ran. He ran so far into the woods that he came to a big cottage in the clearing. The door was unlocked so he went inside. Inside were a whole bunch of sevens: seven chairs, seven cups, seven plates, spoons, forks, sporks, and knives. Upstairs there were seven toothbrushes, seven mirrors, and seven beds. Tired, Inuyasha fell asleep on one of them.

"Home sweet home!" said Bankotsu, as he entered the house with his fellow mercenaries. Yes, instead of the seven dwarves there's the Band of Seven (deal with it!). The put away their weapons and headed towards the bedroom to relax from a long day of killing people. As the entered the room, Jakotsu gave out a big shriek in excitement.

"AHHHH! There's a man sleeping in my bed! And damn is he sexy!" Jakotsu squealed.

Bankotsu just said. "Jakotsu this isn't a yaoi romantic comedy! Get back into character!"

"He is in character, idiot." Renkotsu muttered to Bankotsu.

"Who are you calling an idiot, baldy?"

"Baldy? You better take that back, small fry!"

"WILL YOU TWO SHUT UP AND FOLLOW THE STORY?" Inuyasha said, suddenly wide awake. And the two of them just said silent for the whole rest of the day.

Gah…this is tiring…where was I? Yeah…the Band of Seven let him stay at there house alive because Jakotsu didn't want him dead. Sesshomaru, who now knows the whereabouts of Inuyasha, disguised himself as Kaede, and went to the cottage with a poisonous apple in his—er—her possession. "Kaede" knocked on the door and Inuyasha swung open the door with an attitude.

"We don't want any!" Inuyasha snapped.

"Hello Inuyasha," "Kaede" said calmly. "It is I, Kaede. I used to be your father's royal priestess, until your mother fired me."

"Oh, well what do you want?"

"I have come to give ye an apple."

"Is that all?"

"Eat it, it's good for you. Ye know what they say 'an apple a day keeps Kikyo away'!"

"No"

"Take it and I'll leave."

"Forget it."

"EAT IT DAMMIT!"

"Alright old hag, I'll eat the stinkin' apple!" Inuyasha reluctantly took a bite out of the apple and died from its poisonous goodness. "Kaede" changed back to Sesshomaru and ran away. Hours later, the Band of Seven found Inuyasha dead and mourned for him. The dug up a coffin and replaced the corpse that was already there with Inuyasha's body. Before they could bury him into the ground, Jakotsu gave Inuyasha a kiss on the lips and lo! Inuyasha was alive again and you all got your fifteen seconds of yaoi!

Inuyasha decided that it was time to move on, and left the Band of Seven, and Jakotsu, with a thank you for their lack of realistic hospitality. Thus, he returned home to Sesshomaru (who gave up trying to kill him), Hojo, and his stepmother. Once again, Inuyasha did all the chores. Cleaning the stables and washing their hair, until…it came.

"Listen up you two!" the wicked stepmother said sternly, "I have received an invitation from another kingdom regarding a grand ball held for the Princess Kagome. She will be picking her husband at the ball, and I want you two to be the best suitors. You know how I want to be queen of the whole land!"

"Can I go?" Inuyasha asked, while on his hands and knees shining shoes. "Just to dance? Or at least drink punch?"

"HA! So you can make me look bad, Inuyasha-rella?"

"Hey, when did I get that sucky nick-name?"

"Just now!" Hojo laughed. And the rest of 'em scurried about trying to prepare for the ball.

The night of the ball has come. Hojo and Sesshomaru were dressed up and ready to impress Princess Kagome. The evil stepmother went with them, since she didn't want to be left alone with Inuyasha. Inuyasha became so miserable that he cried. Cried like a big…that word…the one that starts with a "p"…yeah. All he did was do chores despite him being a prince, and he slept in the dungeon and ate crumbs of bread crumbs and drank his father's secret stash of imported fifty-year old beer, which made him up-chuck.

Unbeknownst to Inuyasha, a small speck of light came floating towards him. And just like magic of course, the light turned into…Kirara!

"Mew!" went Kirara.

"What the hell are you suppose to be?" Inuyasha said, looking at the cat demon.

"I'm your fairy god-pet! –mew-" Kirara replied, twiddling her wand with her tails.

"What the hell? Well, whatever. Can you take me to the ball?"

"Sure I can! Just bring me a pumpkin, four mice, and a rat. –mew-"

"Eh, I only have four roaches, a tick, and a cup of ramen."

"Fine! Then we'll improvise…-mew-"

By now, since every last one of you has heard the original story before you would know what turned into what and he had gotten a nice suit and the whole midnight thing. He showed up at the ball, all eyes were on him. Hojo, Sesshy, and the stepmother did not know that this mysterious young man was Inuyasha. Princess Kagome fell in love with Inuyasha and danced the night away with him. An hour before midnight, Inuyasha took Kagome outside and told her the truth.

"Kagome, I don't really dress like this. I'm not even supposed to be here. I'm really a floor scrubbing prince. I'm can only be here up until midnight."

"Gee, that's not how the story went." Kagome said, getting the "Cinderella" storybook out from nowhere and flipping through it.

"I know."

"Then let's run away! Run far away from here so we can be together and you can be free!"

"…why?"

"…I don't know…because it sounds romantic I guess."

"Well that's good enough for me!"

So the ran away from the palace and followed the yellow brick road back into the woods. Damn, the original fairy tale writers sure do have a forest fetish…anyway; the couple ran until the found a house made entirely out of gingerbread and candy; a dream house for any kid I guess. Since they haven't eaten since that night, they feasted on the house like two termites would to a log cabin. Then they heard a deep voice go,

"Fee-fi-fo-fum! Oh wait, wrong story." And out of the quarter-eaten house was Naraku who was dress up as a witch. Not a wizard, a witch. He had the pointy hat, a broomstick, a black cape, and a black cat on his shoulder. I guess that's what happens when some people confuse your for a woman (not me, I'm only doing this because it's funny).

"Are you enjoying my house?" He asked, looking at the two of them. Inuyasha was on the roof eating the chimney and Kagome was sitting down eating the front door.

"Mmm-hmm!" The two of them mumbled. Naraku invited them inside and gave them a place to stay and real food to eat. But they didn't know that Naraku was really a man eating witch who preyed on children and young adults, which seemed in-character for Naraku when you think about it. And one night he told them his plans.

"Kukuku! Now I will boil you two up and have you for dinner!" Naraku said, stirring a big ass cauldron of water and minced vegetables as the hung on the ceiling over it.

"GODDAMN you're freaky!" Inuyasha scoffed, sweat-dropping.

"No wonder Naraku fan-girls are rare…" Kagome added. There was a nibbling sound overhead.

"Damn squirrel demons…" Naraku said, shuffling to the door that had been replaced. "I'll fix them." Naraku opened the door to see two kids dressed like they were from Switzerland.

"Hi! I'm Shippo, but you can call me Hansel!" Said Shippo, licking a large lollipop.

"And I'm Rin! You can call me Gretel!" Said Rin, chewing on the taffy cement.

"Wait, you two are Hansel and Gretel?" Naraku asked, bewildered.

"Why do you think were wearing these stupid lederhosen?" Shippo snapped.

"…I'll be right back." He disappeared into the house. Inuyasha and Kagome came out of the house flying. "YOU'RE NOT THE TWO BRATS I WANTED TO COOK—I mean—HOUSE! AND STAY OUT!" Naraku lead Shippo and Rin into the half eaten house, slamming the door behind him.

"That's it! No more adventures for one one-shot! Let's just get married before we have to climb a beanstalk or something!" Inuyasha hollered. He grabbed Kagome and got married in Vegas. He kicked his step mom and his stepbrothers out of the house and got them beheaded. The out of randomness everyone in this idiotic parody gathered around the happy royal couple and sang the classic Wizard of Oz song "Somewhere over the Rainbow." Even the one's that died, including Naraku. You know how Hansel and Gretel ended!

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AND THEY ALL LIVED HAPPILY EVER AFTER!

**THE END**

**(Now scram!)

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	5. A 3 Minute Visit to Feudal Japan

You all are mean.

You'll review this story, but not the other'sI made.

Am I that bad or what? Is this hthe only work that I've done that's worth reading?

Well, I aint' going to fuss about it. Do whatever. Bitches.

* * *

In today's "lovely" parody, there's a girl whose name is Mei. Mei just HAPPENS to go to Kagome's school and just HAPPENS to be Kagome's friend. One day, when Mei was over at Kagome's, she just HAPPENED to come across the well in the shrine and just HAPPENED to see Kagome go through it. Suspicious, Mei went down the well after her and just HAPPENED to show up in Feudal Japan. There, she met Kagome who was surprised to see her there.

"Mei!" Kagome exclaimed, "What are you doing here?"

"I followed you!" Mei replied. She looked behind Kagome. "Who are those guys?"

"Oh! The monk over there is Miroku, the lady over there is Sango, the little fox demon is Shippo, the cat demon is Kirara, and that guy over there with the ears is Inuyasha! Everyone, this is Mei"

"Hello!" Said Shippo,

"Nice to meet you, Mei." Sango said.

"Mew!" Went Kirara.

"Why, hello there!" Miroku said, approaching Mei, grabbing her hands, "Will you do me the kindness in bearing my children?" Sango whacked him on the head with her Hirakotsu (sp?).

"You just never quit, do you Miroku?" Sango grumbled. Miroku simply chuckled and rubbed his sore spot. Kagome looked over to Inuyasha, who was relaxing in a tree not paying any attention to anyone, as usual.

"Hey Inuyasha! Come down here! There's someone I would like you to meet!" Kagome called out to him. Inuyasha grunted.

"I ain't meeting anyone unless they can help us find the Jewel Shards." Inuyasha muttered. Kagome got mad and made him "sit". Inuyasha fell out of the tree and crash landed on the ground.

"WHAT WAS THAT FOR WENCH?" Inuyasha sputtered.

"YOU CAN'T FORGET ABOUT THE SHIKON JEWEL SHARDS FOR ONE SECOND? YOU'RE SO RUDE!" Kagome yelled.

"Shikon…Jewel Shards?" Mei inquired. Then she remembered something. "Hey! I just so HAPPEN to have a few pieces of the Jewel!" Mei dug into her sweater pocket at took out TEN SHARDS (and a small bag of cocaine)!

"I-I…" Inuyasha stuttered, "I LOVE you!" He snatched the Jewel Shards out of her hands and coveted them. "With these added now we have half of the Jewel! Were did you get them?"

"Haha, I got them from a drug dealer!" Mei chuckled. Inuyasha looked confused. "Hey, now that I think about it, you're Kagome's boyfriend aren't you?"

"WHAT? Boyfriend? I'm not her boyfriend! She's not my type!"

"Hmm, so you are a necrophile aren't you?"

"NO!"

"Well, you're drawn to her since she reminds you of that other priestess. Doesn't she have almost the same qualities that the love you once had had? Come on, you know you love her. You've got to admit it some day, stop trying to be macho! And PLEASE get over Kikyo."

"I guess you're right…HEY WAITAMINUTE! How do you know all this?"

"…because I'm smart." Mei headed back for the well. "Well, gotta go, can't stay here too long, even though original characters like me stay longer in this romantic comedy cliché! Bye everyone! Hasta la Ramen!" And Mei jumped inside, but ended up in Europe.

Inuyasha walked over to a moping Kagome, who ran away when Inuyasha blurted out "I love you" to Mei.

"Kagome," Inuyasha said in that dreamy voice that he uses to comfort Kagome.

"Yeah?"

"I love you."

"I love you, too."

"And Kagome?"

"Yes, Inuyasha?"

"What's a drug dealer?"

* * *

**Insert something here

* * *

**


	6. A Thin Line between Fries and Shakes

I'm sure all of you have heard tales about people falling in love on the job. Most often times, perhaps always, these tales take place in a nice corporate office with the pencil-pushers and the water-cooler and the staples, and those "exiting" cubicles.

Fuck that shit.

I got something better.

Inuyasha is a high school dropout who was forced to live on his own. He lived in a small apartment in a drug-infested neighborhood in Tokyo. In order to pay for his rent, Inuyasha flipped burgers at a local fast food restaurant called "Out and In".

"ORDER UP!" Inuyasha called to the cashier. He slid a tray three deluxe chili cheeseburgers, five orders of mega-sized French fries, and a diet soda on the counter. He turned away, sulking, wanting to just dip his whole head in French fry oil and let some hobo eat his high cholesterol head off. Inuyasha grabbed more hamburger meat from the fridge and slapped it on the grill muttering, "I need a real job."

"Attention all 'Out and In' employees!" said Shippo, the manager. Although Shippo is still a little runt, he clawed his way up to be manager by suing the old manager. "I would like for you all to meet the newest member of our 'Out and In family', Kagome!"

"Hi, Kagome…" The crew droned, not caring at all. Not one of them wanted to work there, but they all messed up somewhere and now there here; Mixing the shakes, re-heating the apple pies, frying the fries.

"She'll be making our famous chili!" Shippo went on; he turned to Kagome with a smile. "Now make sure none of you're body parts fall into the chili, we don't want to get sued. Make sure you…" Kagome didn't hear much after that. Something had caught her brown eye. That guy at the grill…the angry one with the doggy ears. He…is…GORGEOUS! Inuyasha just looked behind his shoulder as he flipped the patties. That new girl is cute, that's what he thought. He snapped his head back to the grill, and continued to think about his mediocre job.

Of course, they would do silly things to express their love while working. Example, Inuyasha would sometimes get about three patties, ketchup, mustard, and 1000 Island dressing. With these condiments, he would write messages on each patty like "WILL YOU GO OUT WITH ME?" or "THIS JOB BITES". And Kagome would just comply and be flattered.

Everything went well with the two of them, but Kagome forgot to tell Inuyasha that her job at "Out and In" was to make enough money to go to community college. Sadly, Inuyasha learned the hard way from Koga, a fellow co-worker who worked at the drive-thru window after noticing Kagome was gone for almost a week. He became all melancholy and his worked suffered with him. They either became burnt or undercooked. He almost got fired once for putting cigarette ash under someone's bun when he started smoking on the job.

"Inuyasha, this the fifth slip up this week!" Shippo scolded. Inuyasha just stared at him with a cigarette hanging out his mouth. "What's the problem?"

"None of you're goddamn business." Inuyasha muttered. He took a drag and blew the smoke out at the poster on the wall that said "Almost sincere service with a smile, grin, scowl, etc."

"It's Kagome isn't it?"

"Who wants to know?"

"You know Inuyasha; she's only across the street." Shippo said sternly. He pointed out the window at Takahashi Miyazki Community College, the only college that you can get into for just 325 yen. Inuyasha's cigarette dropped out of his mouth. He got up from the booth and ran outside and ran across the street to the college. Miroku looked at Inuyasha through the window and said to himself "Run to her, man, run to her."

Inuyasha ran through the football field, the football players paused to look at him and said, "Run Inuyasha! Run!"

He ran though the science halls.

"Run Inuyasha! Run!"

He ran through the cafeteria.

"Run dude, she's waiting for ya!"

He even ran through the girl's restroom!

"EEEEEEEEKKKKKKK! HENTAI!"

But he finally came to the classroom where Kagome was: history class. Inuyasha just burst through the door and went over to Kagome's desk. All eyes were on them, confused eyes.

"Kagome! I can't work without you!" Inuyasha cried to her.

"But I was only across the street…" Kagome replied in embarrassment.

"I need you on my side!"

"-sob-sob-Oh Inuyasha!" And Inuyasha grabbed and carried Kagome bridal-style back to the "Out and In" restaurant. There everyone clapped and cheered for the couple and the spent the rest of there lives happy, broke and smelly.

Now that's over, go about your business! Sayonara!


	7. Cowboys and Idiots

Now let us take our beloved Inuyasha cast and put them in a totally new, totally different place, a place where no one has ever THOUGHT or Dreamed of putting these darling slobs as a setting for a romantic comedy, but if I didn't know any better this would have more love than humor. Oh, screw it, just read and review.

Behold the Wild West! A time and place where tumbleweeds tumble aimlessly, the cacti is teeming with thorns. Cowboys who are on a strict diet of beans and biscuits, have bad hygiene, and hats glue onto their skulls so they would never fall no matter what.

Our story begins in a Saloon, of all places, where every man who had free time was drunk and harassing the Saloon Girl. Inuyasha was sitting at the bar, drinking real all-American beer. He wore a gold Sheriff badge on his clean white shirt.

"I see yer the new sheriff in town," Says Miroku, the bartender, cleaning a glass mug. He filled it up with brandy and slid it down the counter to a customer. It doesn't matter who that customer was because I don't feel like writing who that person was and you probably don't care to know. BACK TO THE STORY!

"Yep," Inuyasha replies, tilting his cowboy hat upwards. This, I am safely assuming, makes you die-hard Inuyasha fangirls squeal with excitement as you imagine him as a hot cowboy. It would work on me but I'm a die-hard Naraku fangirl (and I'm writing this story). "All I did was walk into this here town and the ol' sheriff handed it over to me. He was panickin' a-runnin' away from something. Maybe a crazy wife, I reckon.

"You are new in town, aren't ya?" Miroku put down a mug, slightly shocked. "Well, you better huck back where ya came from." He leaned over the counter and lowered his voice to a whisper. "They don't like us town-folk, especially sheriffs."

"Who's they?"

"The Onigumo Tribe!" Miroku cried out loud. Everyone stopped what they were dong and looked at him. "They is the meanest, nastiest, menacin'…"

"Dirtiest, cruelest, most violent…" Shippo added, who came out of nowhere and is the town banker.

"Hu-uh, they aren't very nice…" Hojo stated subconsciously, still drunk.

"Ten years ago, we built this here town near their territory an' they kept trying to run us out and destroy our fair town ever since. They ne'er liked our type, and they do the worst things to law-men like you, sir!" Miroku exclaimed as he stood on top of the counter.

"Well-p, I think I'll jus' go visit this Onigumo Tribe an' have a li'l talk wit' the chief. Maybe if I's lucky, I'll marry his daughter." Said Inuyasha, standing up while his English gets worse. He exits the Saloon and gets on his noble…

…

…Cow! Or steer…whatever.

And they head off! The brave hanyou sheriff and his cow, roaming the badlands, goodlands, wetlands, drylands, and any other type of land in search of the evil Onigumo Tribe. And soon they come across a tribal village. Inuyasha observed the village from a safe enough distance.

The people of the tribe were Snake Dancing around a burning baboon pelt, singing and making animal noises as the danced. It was a weird sight, the people had dark, nappy hair and wore makeup, even the men!

"Like what you see?" A young woman's voice asked him from behind. Inuyasha turned around to see a pretty young woman with a brown bearskin halter top with a matching skirt, raven-hair and a bright smile. She was obviously from the Onigumo tribe, although her hair wasn't nappy. Obviously this girl was Kagome.

"Uh…" Inuyasha muttered. The sight of Kagome left him breathless! Or something romantic like that…It was love at first sight for the both of 'em, and in record time, too.

"My name is Dumbas Rocks," (get it?) Kagome said. This authoress—Oh geez, I sounded like Sesshomaru there—I've decided to keep the real names of the characters so you won't be confused and they can stay in character (come on, if we change there names that's like defeating the purpose of this being a fanfic). "But you can call me Kagome!"

"Uh…okay. I'm Inuyasha, and this is mah noble steer, Happosai." He pointed at the cow. "I'm hurr to talk to yer pappy 'bout yer tribe invadin' my town." Inuyasha did the hat-tipping-upwards thing to make you all squeal again.

"I don't know. My father, Thinks He's God, is very dangerous man. He used to be a witch doctor before he became the chief of tribe." She lowered her voice to an inaudible whisper, _"And I don't want to see you hurt."_

"Ne'er fear, li'l missy!" Inuyasha exclaimed, getting on Happosai, "Just hop on and I'll deal wit 'em, just you see!" And the two of them rode on Happosai to the village site of the dreaded Onigumo Tribe. Sadly, the natives of the tribe captured Inuyasha, Kagome "Dumbas Rocks" and poor Happosai when he was roughly two and a half yards away from the village.

The natives brought the three to who all love (?), Naraku, or in this brainless parody of sorts, Chief Thinks He's God (think about that for a second), and his family.

There's the wife, Kikyo, or Dead Ass Bitch,

Kagura, also known as Featherinda Wind,

Kanna, Talkslika Cactus,

And Kohaku, the son, or as we like to call him, Confusedas Hell.

"How…what business do you have to enter my territory with?" Naraku asks, he sits there looking pretty (stupid) with his feathered headdress AND his baboon pelt on, with the baboon head on his head! Seriously…what type of medicinal herb is this guy smoking? I'm sure well all could use it right now!

"I'm hurr to stop ya from terrorizin' the townsfolk from the Town!" Inuyasha snaps heroically. Kagome is right behind him, blushing for whatever reason. Inuyasha turns his head to Kagome and grins. "And I want t' marry yer daughter, Dumbas Rocks." Kagome turns red in the face.

"Ha! Do you think I, Thinks He's God, would just cease running you people out from our territory, just because you bring you little dog ears here? Ha! Besides, Dumbas Rocks has been betrothed to another. Come out here…son, hehe." He moves a hand in a "come here" gesture and out comes Steel Fang! Which is just the English translation for Koga; I am running out of ideas here, people…WHAT DO YOU WANT FROM ME?

"This is Steel Fang, otherwise known as Koga, to your kind. He is from the Shichi'nintai Tribe and is their best and fastest warrior. If you can defeat Steel Fang, which I doubt, might consider letting you be the one to marry my daughter."

"I can take 'em on!" Inuyasha remarked, taking off his shirt. He didn't take off his hat because it can NEVER come off! Haven't you people seen a Western in your life (besides Brokeback Mountain)? But it's not like you fangirls would concider it 'cause you all are probably imagining him without a shirt and hopefully nothing worse. "Alright Koga, show me what yer made off!"

Koga runs up to Inuyasha and kicks him. Inuyasha falls to the ground, hat still on his head, and gets up. Koga jumps up and tries to do a flying kick at Inuyasha but misses for Inuyasha moved out the way, thus making Koga land on his feet and charge at him. Inuyasha pulls out a gun and shoots Koga in the head and the chest twice. Koga dies.

"Hmph, trigger-happy cowboy law-men…"Naraku muttered, he took off his baboon pelt and headdress. Now you all probably expect ME to react to this beacause I love him, but I'm not going to…I'm writing, here. "That's one thing you've settled, but if you want to free your percious town, you'll have to fight me! But I must warn you, I—"

BANG!

Inuyasha shot Naraku dead.

Inuyasha kisses Kagome and they get married the next day. The Onigumo Tribe backs off for only three and a half years.

They ride Happosai back to the Town and everyone gathers around him and praises him.

…

…

…Why am I writing like this? It's so choppy.

It doesn't matter.

Story is over.

Now leave, before a tribe native Hell demons come get you!

…

…You're still here aren't you? You gonna leae or what? What more do you want? What? A lemon? Huck back where you came from perv! I don't write lemons, I read 'em. And with that, I am leaving.

Good bye.


	8. Naraku's Dead Kiss Me!

**:GOOD NEWS:**

**:I FINALLY PUT UP A STORY ON FICTION PRESS! IF YOU WANT TO KNOW MY PEN NAME, LOOK AT MY BIO:**

**:S. Devilin:**

Okay…so after oh…maybe about….THREE HUNDRED years of fighting, Naraku finally dies or something like that and they have all the pieces to the Sacred Shikon Jewel of Four Souls or whatever they call it in their possession. Inuyasha and Kagome are somewhere out in the middle of scenic nowhere just looking at each other…and that stupid jewel (A/N: Yes I hate the Shikon Jewel! It's nothing but trouble!)

"Naraku's gone, and now we have the Jewel…" Inuyasha says, looking down at the completed Jewel in the palm of his hand.

"Yeah…" Kagome said, looking down and away from him.

"So I guess…this is goodbye, right?"

"Yeah…"

"…Well…goodbye Kagome…"

"Bye Inuyasha…"

"…Kagome…I love you…"

"I love you to Inuyasha…"

"…goodbye…"

"…bye…"

"…"

"…I guess I should leave now…"

"Yeah…you should go home now…I'll miss you."

"So I guess this is goodby—"

Miroku, Sango, and Shippo pop out from behind a bush and screamed, "JUST LEAVE ALREADY!" Before she jumped into the well Kagome gave Inuyasha a long passionate kiss that was longer than the goodbye exchange. She leaped into the well and entered her own time.

It only took Inuyasha five seconds to realize that he NEEDS Kagome with him and jumped into the well after her. Inuyasha stayed in the future for the rest of his hanyou life. The two of the got married and had many puppies.

Meanwhile, somewhere…far, far away…I don't know and I don't care…Naraku has been resurrected and ready to get the Shikon Jewel back.

That ain't right…

**:Short, ain't it:**


	9. Inuyasha is Funky Fresh!

**:I must tell you, this is the LAST CHAPTER:**

**:Thank you all for reviewing this story, and now it is time for you all to review some of my other stuff, or someone elses, whichever is best for you. And thank you for putting this in your C2 Group, I'm honored:**

**:S. Devilin:**

It's a 1970 Friday night, and everyone is "On the Scene", whatever that means. Kagome and Sango were sitting at the bar of Club Shikon, the most popular disco in Tokyo, drinking alcohol and watching people attempting to dance.

Sango notice a guy doing the cabbage patch and said, "Oh my God, look at that guy over there, Kagome!" Kagome turned her head from the bartender and laughed with her. Suddenly, the lights grew darker and a disco ball popped through the ceiling, spinning and shinning a rainbow of colors.

"And now," Ginta (or Hakkaku, I forgot who's who) the D.J. said through the microphone, "For your viewing pleasure, Club Shikon presents you the funky-fresh stylings of Inuyasha, the Disco King!" Hakkaku (or Ginta), grabbed some random record at started playing it. The people in the middle of the lighted dance floor cleared the way for Inuyasha to enter. He had an enormous afro that almost hid his doggy-ears with a small afro pick poking out of the mass. He grabbed the pick and threw it to the audience and started shaking his money-maker for people to go "Whoop WHOOP!" Of course Kagome caught it perfectly and held it lovingly in her hands. She had always loved Inuyasha and his gift to bust a move on the dance floor. That was the reason she would come to this very club, and to get a drink.

After ten minutes of doing disco moves that I really can't name, Ginta (or Hakkaku) said, "The Disco King will now dance with a female partner. Whoever has the Kings afro pick is the winner." All the girls except Sango looked at Kagome and screamed liked banshees. They started to attack her for the blessed afro pick. She struggled her way out of the mass of people on top of her and presented the pick to Inuyasha, who pulled Kagome out and took her into his quasi-royal arms. He has never had such a beautiful partner before, compared to the one person he seemed to always dance with, Jakotsu. I he didn't know any better—and you all knew this was coming—he developed a crush on her.

The two started dancing, amazing the crowd even more. Kagome was an amazing dancer, and that made Inuyasha love her even more. The couple danced all night until it was time for the disco to close. Inuyasha walked Kagome to her house while she wore his coat.

"You're a great dancer, Kagome." Inuyasha complimented, blushing.

Kagome blushed and replied, "Thank you. It an honor to hear that from you." Inuyasha smiled and gave her a small kiss. Kagome turned beet red.

"Hey, in two weeks, there's going to be a groovy disco couples' competition and you'll be a great partner. Will you be my partner?"

"I'd love to!"

"Far Out!"

"Hey, you want to come in?"

"Sure!"

So the went inside and did a "Lemon"! Not a bad way to say they did "It", if I do say so myself. And they entered and won the competition. It was a close match against Sesshomaru and Rin, but they got through when the judge found out Rin was way too young to be in the competition and she wasn't a midget. Inuyasha and Kagome celebrated by doing another "Lemon" and got drunk. Later in the years they got married and had many booty-shaking babies. And that is the end of this parody. Now, leave me to my other work!


	10. A word from Kichi and Hakudoushi

Hey everyone, it's me, Kichi, yer favorite original character!

**And Hakudoshi, Shirabe Devilin's favorite Inuyasha character!**

After Naraku…

**Shut up Kichi, we're even…**

The authoress knows she ain't supposed to do a chapter that's just one big Author's Note, but she sent me t' let you all know she's on hiatus until…umm…a YEAR I think.

**A YEAR! How long is that?**

365 days, or 12 months.

**What the hell is she going to do in a year?**

I'm getting' t' that! Shirabe Devilin (or mom), is focusin' on writing and updating stories on FictionPress. Ain't that a bitch?

**Yes. So if you want to want to read stuff from her within that year, you better go to FictionPress. Her pen name-slash-link is in her bio.**

An make sure to leave a review!

**Don't review THIS, idiots…**

Don't call them idiots, Hakudoushi!

**Why are you snappin' at me! You were thinking it, too!**

…You're right. Heh, later, dogs.

**See you in a year!**

_(Okay, a year is the maximum time. don't fret.)_


	11. CENSORED

**THANKS FOR OVER 500 HITS!**

Now I know that 500 isn't that much, but it is to me! 

**AS A SPECIAL THANK YOU, I DREW A PICTURE FOR YOUR VIEWING PLEASURE! JUST GO TO MY PAGE AND THE LINK WILL BE AT THE TOP!**

* * *

Now…even though this story-could-be was supposed to be a done deal last year, people keep e-mailing me to write more crap. You got me. I'm a sucker for reviews, yet in real life I'm a compliment repellent. Anyhow, I have something you'll really like…to not read. Enjoy…or something.

As you may know, romance can be placed in two solid categories, depending on the content. It could be in the "G" category, where it is safe for all ages above 13 or so to view…and then there is the "X" category, where all the nasty-dirty-filthy-hypnotizing smut that's meant for adults (and sexed- up teens) only. So far, these romantic comedies I have so far weeded out to make my own are in the "G" category. I think today I'm going to try my hand at writing some nasty-dirty-filthy-hypnotizing smut of my own…even though that is way out of my league (yet I look at it…but that's a different story so SHUT UP!)

Inuyasha and Kagome had just spent the day together on a date. They have been dating for a month—no, no short enough—one week, and they felt they we're meant to be…like always. Ah, alas, dear readers! Kagome is getting that…ANIMAL feeling mommy and daddy tend to have, and feels the urge to end the day "The Right Way"…if you know what I mean. The both of them right now are at a restaurant. The two already ate and they just sat awhile as their waitress Kaede returns whit the bill.

"Inuyasha?" Kagome says, as she slowly runs her finger around the rim of her champagne glass. The glass makes that cool sound when you do that.

"Mm?" Inuyasha mumbles with a cream puff jammed in his mouth. Kagome give him a seductive smile.

"I had a great time. Thank you."

"MmmMm" ("I have, too.)

"I think we were meant to be you know. You treat me so nicely and you're such a loving man. Better than that Koga…" (Koga IS in the restaurant…a table away…and he heard that, just to let you know.)

"Well, you're my princess, so I want to treat you like one."

"Awww, Inuyasha…"

Makes me want to throw up.

Kaede comes back with the bill. Over $500 worth of food because they're both pigs. Inuyasha pays and leaves a penny tip and drives Kagome to her house. He walks her to the door, but before he kisses her goodnight and leaves, Kagome grabs his jacket and asks, "Wanna come inside?"

Now boys (and maybe girls), you know what that means when your girl asks you "Wanna come inside?"

You…

Are…

Getting…

LAID! YEAH!

Also, this same message comes in different aliases, such as "Want to come over for my house?", "Would you like to stay the night?", and "Please, stay for coffee." Coffee? Suuuuuurrrrrrrrreeeeeeeee…

BACK TO THE STORY! Kagome take Inuyasha to her bedroom. Not the kitchen. Not bathroom. Definitely not the attic where the rats are, but the bedroom. Her bedroom is the same way on the show, except more mature.

-Sigh- I'm not ready for this part… maybe I'll continue this in another chapter…

No! It must be done! Goodbye (again), internet-virginity! But you all still have to use your imagination!

Kagome starts to give Inuyasha ultra-passionate kisses with the tongue and all that crap. They start shedding clothes little by little till Inuyasha was completely naked and Kagome was just wearing her undies. Then of course those came off, too…right after she pushed him onto her bed and kissed him (this is nasty).

It was getting "hot"—even though it was a perfectly pleasant 65 degrees-Fahrenheit weather inside—Inuyasha did Kagome the honor of removing her underwear. The two turned over so that Inuyasha was on top. It's bad enough with Kagome moaning and what not, but who cares but the person writing this? With his -WHOOPS!-, Inuyasha shoved it right into Kagome's –YOU MUST BE 18 YEARS OR OLDER-, making her scream as if in danger. He kept going in and out, in and out, and she kept moaning and screaming.

Is this a horror movie or an X-rated romantic comedy?

You decide, 'cause I'm done figuring it out.

Okay, now Kagome pushes Inuyasha up, and gets on her knees. She does the most disturbingly nasty thing one cam ever do: she puts his –NONE OF YOUR BUSINESS- in her mouth and starts sucking on it!

And the kiddies go: "EWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW!"

I have to keep going –sob-…

…What else did they do? –Looks at other X-rated Inuyasha fanfics-…it seems that the lesbian ones are more popular and better written, but this is strictly Inuyasha and Kagome (sorry, boys)…this is tedious…you people sure have time on your hands! Okay, okay. Kagome and Inuyasha start to get that REALLY HEAVY ANIMAL feeling mommy and daddy get as well, and they start doing all these sex moves I never heard, can't describe, and just don't want to mention such as Inuyasha licking Kagome's –TOO MUCH INFORMATION!- and her –CENSORED- really fast. What's strange is that they started to talk as they…go along. Hell, I'm not just talking simple little phrase, here. I'm talking full-fledge conversations, too.

I mean, first they just had normal everyday conversations:

"Oh, Inuyasha…-pant-pant- How ugh is…ahh...your mother?"

"Mmmm…she's…mmm…ahh…fine…but she had to…go-pant- to -huff-…the doctor yesterday."

Or, since they were religious, they would get the Holy Spirit and announce it to each other:

"O JESUS CHRIST, SON OF MARY OF NAZARETH!"

"HALLELUIA!"

"LORD, BLESS ME NOW!"

"JOHN 3:12!"

And then, there's that regular sex talk:

"Oh Kagome…"

"Oh, Inuyashaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!"

…Oh brother.

By this time, the both of the have reached their climax, and Kagome's good sheets were destroyed by the stains and tears from doing it "American-style". Thankfully, they are too tired to finish and they go to sleep, naked…on the dirty sheets of Kagome's bed. I must make mention, that after this show, the neighbors couldn't get a wink of sleep because they didn't stop until 12 noon. They were to tired to go to church.

An afterword: These things that I've mentioned are usually put in different orders, if you haven't noticed with everyone else's lemons. Even though I hated this, I'd be happy to write one about Kagome being a dominatrix (my kind of thing XD)! Well now, it's over. Goodbye.


	12. I Don't Wanna be a Virgin!

**"Well gosh finally she updated..." I guess that's what you are thinking.**

**My Romantic Comedy parodies are back and that's all that matters!**

**:S. Devilin:**

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Poor, poor Kagome! How much she wishes that she was prettier! All the girls at school were endlessly talking about how they "popped the cherry" with so much detail you can actually see the image in front of you, like an R-rated movie. Poor virginal Kagome could not wait any longer and decided to become…

PROMISCUOUS! DUN-DUN-DUNNNNNNNNN!

A-hem, anyhow…the next day, Kagome went to the Feudal Era wearing whatever you would expect Kikyo to wear in some other romantic comedy. In this case, a green super mini-skirt and a skin-tight green tube top with stripper heels she snatched from her momma's closet. First, she met up with Sesshomaru, who was as usually sitting under a random, stupid tree while Rin picks some stupid flowers and stupid Jaken watches over her…

…stupidly, of course. I know that was terrible.

"Hi Sesshy," Kagome greeted him, trying to be sexy by swinging her non-existent hips and flipping up her not-so alluring hair.

Come on people, you have to admit Kagome and Kikyo aren't THAT pretty…

"What is it that you want, girl?" Sesshomaru replied rudely like he always does.

"Please, do me a favor and -WOAH THERE SONNY- me!"

Sesshomaru raised an eyebrow. Was he going to give it up to this instant whore, who used to be a proud, sensible, yet sometimes whiny member of his jerk, half-demon baby brother's group?

"Hell no, you slut…" Sesshomaru snapped, turning his head away in disgust. "Go find someone else!"

So Kagome walked, and walked as far as her stripper heels can carry her. She then stopped to see Koga, leading a pack of wolves. '_Koga!' _Kagome excitedly thought, _'He would definitely want to screw me!' _" Oh Koooooogaaaaaaaa!"

Koga stopped in his tracks to see the not-quite-voluptuous Kagome in all her whorish glory.

"Kagome!" Koga squealed. "You look great today!"

"Thank you Koga. Koga?"

"Y-yes?" Koga said, eyeing her flat chest.

"Would you do me the honor of –SORRY!- me?"

Oh how Koga was so happy! Finally, the love of his life wants to mate with him, no strings attached (he thinks) and that dirty mutt Inuyasha wasn't there to mess it up!

"I thought you would never—"

"HOLD IT RIGHT THERE BUSTER!"

Ayame of all people came swirling up to them, grabbed Koga by his pointy ear, and huffed at Kagome. Koga was making crazy faces in hurt.

"Hell no, you slut…" Ayame snapped. "Go find someone else!" And the two of them disappeared in their usually tornado.

Kagome moved on. She walked and walked as far as her stripper heels can carry her. Shippo—Uh oh, here we go!—was playing with a little rubber ball Kagome gave him at least two and a half weeks ago. Seeing Kagome, he stopped playing with his ball and ran toward her, yelling "Kagome, Kagome!"

"Hi Shippo!" Kagome said picking him up, not caring if she's mooning anyone or anything behind her (she went commando). "I need to ask you something."

"What is it Kagome?" Shippo asked, looking all innocent and what not. He already has an idea what she is going to ask him. Yeah, he read the previous paragraphs of this chapter!

"Do…"

"Yes…"

"You…"

"Yes…"

"Know where Miroku is?"

"YE—" Here Shippo freezes in disappointment and shock. DARN! Better luck next time, Shippo…

"Yes…" mumbled poor Shippo. "He's right over there…" He pointed to his right. Kagome gave him a tiny kiss on the forehead and skipped merrily over to our favorite monk. Shippo was mad and stomped away saying, "When am I going to get some head…?"

Miroku was sitting with Kirara, looking at the sky. Kagome stood over Miroku, blocking his original view to see a much…better one.

"Ah, nature's wonder! A deep valley between two lofty peaks!" Miroku commented (A/N: This phrase comes from the best freaking game ever "Okami" on the PS2) . Kagome smiled, appreciating this joke.

"Hello, Miroku. How is the view?" Kagome joked.

"Spectacular!" Miroku replied, still eye-balling her jugs.

"Miroku…you would do anything to help me right?"

"Yes, lady Kagome. What do you need help with?" Miroku said, getting up.

"Please –BLEEP!- me!"

Miroku was taken aback, or some kind of old school phrase like that. Kagome wants to -COUGH COUGH- him? It was an honor, BUT, Miroku didn't think of Kagome that way anymore. She was only a companion and a friend. Besides, what would Sango think? Speaking of the devil, Sango came into the scene from the hot springs. Before she was actually near Kagome and Miroku, he told Kagome,

"Hell no, you slut…go find someone else!"

Kagome walked and walked as far as her stripper heels can carry her. And finally she came INUYASHA'S way (about time, huh?). Inuyasha was in his in-character place: Sitting cross-legged on a high tree branch, not giving a shit about anything. Inuyasha caught Kagome's scent and a glance at her "new look". He jumped down from the branch only to take a better look at her outfit. He was speechless.

"Inuyasha…" Kagome began. Inuyasha simply stared at her. In the eyes. Imagine that!

"Inuyasha?" Kagome repeated, snapping her fingers as if he was under hypnosis. He was, technically. Boobs can be VERY dangerous…

Now Inuyasha can do one of two things. He can either say,

"WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU WEARING, WENCH? DO YOU WANT TO GET KIDNAPPED BY NARAKU?"

Or… he can say,

"Oh yeah, I wouldn't mind getting a swing at that fine ass!"

But since I like to do things the "Shirabe Way"—which is rated NC-17 according to my friends—all he does is…

Jumps Kagome, get each other naked and did some of that "Adult Wrestling".

That's right, Inuyasha! Go get 'em, tiger!

Yes, they were so loud, Naraku heard them go "OHHHHHHHHH" and "AHH AHHHHHH!" and all that sex stuff.

"Hey, why didn't she come and ask me to give her some?" Naraku asked himself.

Because Kagome doesn't want any of your foreign viruses you're probably carrying around _down there_.

"Huh, who said that?"

Me.

ANYWAY, moving on into the future. Kagome is worried she might be pregnant, so she took a professional test to see if she was. Two days after, the doctor gave her the results.

"Kagome, you are not pregnant." The doctor stated.

"YES! OH THANK YOU, THANK YOU, THANK—" Kagome cheered before she was interrupted by more news.

"However, you have AIDS, Gonorrhea, Chlamydia, Herpes, Syphilis, and Hepatitis A, B, C, D, E, F, G, H, I, J, K, L, M, N, O, P, Q, R, S, T, U, V, W, X, Y, and the ultra rare Z."

See what happens when you force yourself to lose it? Practice safe-sex, and do IT when you feel like it!

Moral of the story: Why buy the cow when you can get the milk free? Oh…wait…that was terrible…

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**Gosh, Inuyasha was "loaded" wasn't he?

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**


	13. Afrika

**I hope this one doesn't confuse you...for some reason I think this one might be confusing...but I just can't seem to place why...**

**Review!**

**All parodies are meant to be hurried here.**

**:S. Devilin:**

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We ALL know long-distance relationships don't work…but does that stop people from writing romantic comedies where the insignificant lover—usually our lovely Kagome—goes away from quite some time and then reappear in HIGH SCHOOL (oh goddamn it) as that new girl goddess?

If you were smart, you would know that was a rhetorical question, otherwise the answer is obviously no.

What makes it quite cliché? AMERICA!

America, America, Amerika (A/N: that's a Ramstein song)! You know…in the anime world, that's not good, why? Nobody knows…

Hmmm…

Forget it. Let's get this started shall we? The faster I get this over with, the faster I can finish that drawing of Ha—never mind…spoiler…

This clichéd parody whatever begins in kindergarten.

Kindergarten…that's becoming a cliché, too.

Anyway, here we have Inuyasha and Kagome playing tea party in the sandbox. They look so sweet together, even if Inuyasha looked hella ridiculous in an old lady's oversized Sunday hat in piss yellow.

"More tea, Yashie?" Kagome offered, holding up an empty toy teapot.

"Feh!" Went Inuyasha, turning his head almost snapping it. His hat slid down his chubby face.

"_Have some more tea, Inuyasha!_" Kagome growled, teeth clenched together menacingly.

"Fine!" Inuyasha snapped back. He held out his teacup and Kagome poured some imaginary tea into it.

AWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW! AIN'T THAT CUUUUUUTE?!?

WELL I DON'T GIVE A FLYING FUCK!

Three grades later, our Kagome was leaving Tokyo, Osaka, Yokohoma WHEREVER city they lived for AFRICA!

Not AMERICA…

Not SOUTH AMERICA…

Not EUROPE…

Not AUSTRAILIA…

And for sho' not ANTARTICA…

AFRICA! Get it?

If some cases of this kind of romantic comedy, the departing loved one leaves without saying goodbye to build drama and get hopeless romantic viewers to leave mushy, heart-felt reviews.Here, she doesn't say goodbye. Kagome says,

"So LOOONNNG, SUCKER!"

And then she leaves her city life for the more TRIBAL and primitive life among the Maasai people in Kenya. Drinking cow blood for protein (this IS true!) and weaving baskets with Naraku and his family members…haha…(A/N: I always thought he was Black…somehow…)

Many years later…don't ask for specifics because it is not that important…Kagome come back to Japan. Yay! HOWEVER, Inuyasha seems to have forgotten his old girlfriend and got a new one! Gasp!

And who is it?

Kikyo, dumbass, Kikyo. Who else? But Kagome doesn't know this yet, of course.

Well, here is Kagome in high school. No, she hasn't become so smoking hot even Sesshomaru wants to get some. No, she isn't a normal student who is secretly hiding from her friends deep dark secrets about abusive home life. And HELL no, she doesn't come to school dressed in these cool clothes you know for DAMN sure your MOMMA won't let you wear!

Kagome…I regret to say (not)…Kagome is fat and primitive. Very fat. Very primitive. No disrespect of course for the "fat" part. In Africa and to some select Americans, fat women are more sought out than skinny ones as wives and as a status of wealth. Cool. But since she has been with hunting, gathering, technology-free people from so long and so early in life she has totally turned from a cute, down-to-earth girl we met in Kindergarten to a super tan, spear-chucking girl.

Not that there's anything wrong with that.

But this is in an Inuyasha situation we're talking about so…

"What a freak!" Kikyo commented, clinging onto Inuyasha for dear life and staring at Kagome's half-nakedness. As you can see, Kikyo has already taken Kagome as a threat to her fake partnership with Inuyasha. "Don't you think so, Inu-kins?"

"Inu-kins" forced himself not to beat Kikyo like she owes him money for calling him "Inu-kins", "Puppy", " Yashie-poo", and the like. I'd love to join him.

"Not really." Inuyasha mumbles to himself. He is now starting to remember Kagome just vaguely.

Mmmm…Kinda quick, yes?

Moving on into their first of many classes together, the teacher introduces Kagome to the class, as Kagome stood there almost menacingly at the class with a spear in hand and books in another. Odd sight.

"Class, this is Kagome. She is Japanese, but she spent most of her life among the Maasai people of Kenya for Buddha knows what…" The teacher says.

"Hujambo." ("Hello") Kagome greets her classmates.

"What is that? Alien?" Asks Hojo, raising his hand.

"What ARE you wearing? Are you naked under there?" Sango retorts. Yes, even Sango is mean to her. An escaped from the usual cliché of her being Kagome's best friend and sometimes savior.

"Dang, so that's why there are starving people in Africa…you ate it all!" Jokes Ginta (or Hakkaku. I STILL don't know who's who.)

"Shut up, all of you!" The teacher snaps. "Now don't you worry about them Kagome. Take any desk you like and we will begin class."

Keep in mind that Kagome did not go to a school with desks, so when she found her set—next to the very hot Inuyasha—she sat ON the desk, not IN the desk. By now, Inuyasha is staring to remember Kagome and falls in love with her again, despite how much she has grown…or has become disturbingly primitive.

…Now the authoress is tired. But, I think I will go on.

Climax: usually set somewhere at a party, or at a dance. Pick one. Did you pick one? Well what you think doesn't matter because I'm going with neither! HAHAHAHAHA!

It's not even time for a climax yet, but I'm trying to cut to the chase. Inuyasha has already expressed his love for Kagome, "His" way, don't forget, and it took him forever to get Kagome to understand that because he's a bastard and he's wishy-washy. And it took him even LONGER to get rid of Kikyo for good, because we all read the stories where Kikyo plots to get her man back by any means necessary. A Kagome's house—yes, they live in a house—Inuyasha and Kagome are in her room on the floor.

"Kagome…?" Inuyasha starts.

"Huh?" Replies Kagome, catching a beetle that was flying about with one swift, flawless grab with her hand.

"I-I-I love you."

"Huh?" Now she is working at a small loom on her lap.

"I know you are probably wondering about Kikyo…I never felt the same way about her as I did about you. I loved you ever since we were one."

"Huh?" Kagome is now putting on war makeup.

"And, I-I don't care if you're fat. Other people do but I don't. You will always look beautiful to me." _'Bigger tits!'_ (The wonders of the male mind…)

"Huh?" She is now throwing spears at a target on the door right behind Inuyasha. Inuyasha dodges sub-consciously, don't worry.

"Kagome…remember when we were in Kindergarten, and we did those things the authoress of this parody wrote back in Line 15? I had known that would have been the last time I saw you…I should have said goodbye and told you how much I cared about you."

"Huh?" Okay, bitches, you should have gotten it through your head now that she is NOT listening!

"Oh…and before I lose my dignity through this mushy-romance crap that is totally not my style…will you mate me?"

Mate her? He couldn't have asked her to –I AM SUCH A NAUGHTY PERSON!- her?

"…" Goes Kagome.

"…" Went Inuyasha.

"…Huh?" Kagome finally said. Inuyasha almost lost his cool.

"ARE YOU LISTENTING TO ME?!?"

"Huh? Sorry. I had cotton in my ear when you were saying all the romantic stuff about me. Don't do that again, please."

"Oh, I thought you had forgotten how to speak English."

"Nah, I just choose to ignore people or speak Swahili to tick them off."

"Well…do you want to mate or not?"

"I'd love too…"

"ALRIGHT!" Inuyasha shouts with glee, getting all naked and what not.

"But I can't."

"What? But why?"

"I'm married, and I'm pregnant."

"Married?" Inuyasha squeaked in horror. He was eaten by some bum! "To who?"

"Naraku."

And the authoress is not going any father than that. Sorry, but this chapter is over. Get lost.

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**In the Maasai Tribe, girls get married at about as young as seven years old! That means Kagome has been married to Naraku ever since she was seven (you do the math I'm sleepy)!**

**Lucky Bitch.**


	14. Camp Boot Camp

**For you...**

**Enjoy...**

**...or I'll hurt you.**

**:S. Devilin:**

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Over the river and through the woods, Kagome goes to Grandma's House—Oh! Excuse me…Kagome isn't going to Grandma's house. Grandma has been dead for three years. But Kagome was going somewhere…another up-and-coming romantic comedy clichéd setting for this ridiculous parody: CAMP! 

Good ol' camp! A bleak and miserable place usually located in a barren forest away from civilization and sanity with Lions and Tigers and Bears…OH MY!

"I can't WAIT to go to camp!" Kagome exclaimed to her mother, who was driving.

"Really?" Her mother said in an unexcited tone.

"I just can't wait to see Sango and Miroku again! And I can't wait for all the fun activities this year! I'm going to go kayaking, and swimming, and make s'mores and—"

"Kagome…"

"Yes mom?"

"We're here."

Kagome got out of the car fueled with excitement. Kagome can't wait, she simply can't wait! Yes sir, she can't wait…TO GET BACK IN THE CAR!

"MOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOMMMMMMMMM!" Kagome screamed. Kagome's mom drove off. Actually, drove off isn't strong enough. More like zoomed away from here traumatized and upset daughter at warp speed. At with this, we return to Kagome standing stupidly as if in a trance, staring at the sign towering above her head. In pitch black bold lettering, it screamed the words,

"**BOOT CAMP"**

Now this shit wasn't fair! Kagome hasn't done anything wrong!

Maybe except for the time she got so drunk she broke every priceless vase her mother owned and burned Sota's only copy of his birth certificate in a dare…

And then there was the time where she got caught smoking weed in the Higurashi Shrine with Koga and his high best friends…

Oh, and that time she almost killed the cafeteria lady at her school for Satan-knows-what, and got suspended for almost an entire month…

This list can go on for days…

Back to Kagome, who solemnly walked to the iron gates of "Hell". Two buff guards stood at either side of the gate with large guns at hand. One had an eye patch on and the other had, like, three thousands scars on his face. Typical.

"Name?" The guard with the eye patch asked rudely. He had a German accent.

Oh no…it's worse than I thought!

IT'S A NAZI BOOT CAMP! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

"K-k-Kagome…Kagome Higurashi…" Kagome stammered. The guards stared at her.

"We've been expecting you…maggot." The guard with the eye patch finally said. Kagome walked through the gates, frazzled, and looked at her new surroundings: Large, menacing dogs with razor–sharp teeth. Nazi symbols everywhere. Barb-wire fencing all around. Watch towers with more armed guards. No greenery in sight. And what's more? Everyone and their momma who worked there was a Nazi, or acted like one, or should have BEEN one. The campers were just as miserable as Kagome. Except of course for the choice few that actually enjoy it…let's just say those are the usually clichéd people who find horrible places like Boot Camps and Prisons as their true home…but they don't matter, now do they?

"ALRIGHT MAGGOTS LINE UP! HUP- TWO! HUP-TWO!" Someone barked. All the campers scrambled into a single file line, just like in the movies!

"WELCOME TO CAMP HELL, MAGGOTS! THE NEXT FEW WEEKS WILL BE THE MOST GRUELING, LONG, HORRIFIC WEEK OF YOUR MISERABLE, MISERABLE LIVES! YOU ALL MESSED UP AND NOW YOU'RE HERE, AND WE ARE GOING TO WHIP YOU TURDS INTO SHAPE! DO YOU UN-DER-STAND ME?!?"

Kagome and the other campers subconsciously shouted back "SIR! YES. S—" hey paused to look around to find the person who was yelling at them. Not a sole stuck out to them.

"ARE YOU BLIND, MAGGOTS? DOWN HERE!" The screaming voice said in annoyance.

They all looked down to see…Hakudoushi!

Hakudoushi was dressed like Adolf Hitler—which makes too much sense to the authoress—and he was holding a large carnival-sized lollipop.

"Hakudoushi?" Kagome spoke up, confused. "You're the drill sergeant?"

"What? It can't always be Shippo and Rin all the time, damn it! And I am NOT a drill sergeant! I own this camp, fool!" Hakudoushi showed her a photo album. On one page, there was a picture of Hakudoushi in a cap and gown, graduating from Dictator College (with honors, of course), and on another there was a certificate confirming he can establish his own Boot Camp, force signed by the military.

"NO MORE QUESTIONS!" Hakudoushi screamed, slamming the book shut and licking his lollipop. "YOU WILL NOT CALL ME HAKUDOUSHI, YOU WILL CALL ME GENERAL HAKUDOUSHI! NOT GENERAL LOLLIPOP LIKE SOME OF OUR OLD MAGGOTS USED TO CALL ME!" (Snicker from the campers.) "TIME TO SEPARATE YOU MAGGOTS INTO GROUPS! OKAY MEN, TAKE OVER!" The counselors, Naraku, Kagura, Sesshomaru, and Bankotsu, called out the names of their doomed campers and sent them to work. Hakudoushi went off somewhere to finish his lollipop in peace.

Kagome was in Naraku's group. They say only the worst are in HIS group. Along with her were Juuromaru, Shippo, Hiten, and that demoness Hiten punched at the beginning of the show and who else?

None other than INUYASHA, baby!

Kagome couldn't help to notice him as Naraku was shouting (in this German accent that I KNOW he didn't have in the show) how miserable he was going to make them for the rest of their life…if he hasn't done that already with his presence. Inuyasha hasn't noticed her yet, though. The troop was lead to their first field training.

"This is the most grueling training field ever devised. This has made soldiers cry and sailors ask for their mommies…" Naraku stated. "You are going to go through every wall spike and pit on it! Starting…NOW! GO! GO! GO!"

Kagome (It's all about Kagome and Inuyasha now) ran through the mud and started climbing the fifty-foot brick wall and jumped down. She carefully ran through the skinny log bridge that was placed over a pit of super-sharp spikes and got on her knees and tried crawling through more mud with a barb-wire net dangerously close to her back. As she was carefully trying to get through the tight wire passage without getting injured, her long hair got caught in the wire. She couldn't move, until a certain half-demon came up by her side and took her hair out of the wires.

"Thank you…" Kagome said. Inuyasha smiled.

"No problem." Inuyasha replied.

"KEEP GOING MAGGOTS!" Naraku yelled through a megaphone. Kagome and Inuyasha quickly decided to go through it together. As Naraku watched them, General Lollipop—I mean.—Hakudoushi came up to watch with him while licking another large lollipop.

"They're in love, sir." Naraku reported. "See those little tiny hearts floating around them as they go through the tar pits?"

Whatever he said above, goes here, ladies and transvestites…

"…Keep an eye on those two." Hakudoushi said between licks of his lollipop. "They might use the power of love to start a revolt. And thus…I return to my lollipop."

(Two Weeks Later…)

"What. Did. I. Tell. You. Sergeant Naraku?!?" Hakudoushi snapped. Hakudoushi and the drill sergeants were hanging from the flagpoles by their underwear.

"It won't happen again, sir." Naraku said shamefully.

"IT'S TOO LATE FOR APOLOGIES! IF WE SURVIVE THIS, I'M GOING TO LOCK YOU UP IN A CATHOLIC CHURCH, SO YOU CAN BE BLESSED TO DEATH!" Hakudoushi then whipped out ANOTHER lollipop. "At least I still have you." He started licking it until drill sergeant Kagura smacked it out of his hand. The candy fell ten feet to the ground and broke. General Lollipop started crying.

Sooo…what happened you ask?

….Wouldn't you like to know? Well, Inuyasha and Kagome fell quite in love. They had the same hobbies, likes, dislike, yadda-yadda-yadda…and then came up with a brilliant plan one night after their troop sergeant Naraku left to turn over the Boot Camp. They got some of the brightest and strongest of all the other troops along with theirs to help them.

How did they become convinced? I don't know…haven't thought that through…

Anyhow, they got discovered doing some of that LIME-Y goodness one night by one of the guards, and they were sent to Solitary Confinement rooms. At this time, they broke out in the worst thing you could possibly imagine:

A song about how much they love each other and how they're going to get through whatever…TOGETHER…bleh…

But that was part of the plan, to get the keys and start the revolt. All the campers threw rocks, started shooting, and whatever else you can think of. Haven't you seen movies like this? You should know…

And what's more, in the middle of the revolt, they start making out like the idiots that they are…

Goddamn it you two! I hope your lips get shot off! Up here kissing while people are killing each other…

Whatever. Well, this is the end of the Nazi Boot Camp as we know it, and the end of the chapter. Inuyasha and Kagome get married and they both join the Marines, and die in warfare. That is enough of that. No need for anymore action. Naughty or not. Whatever you have to say, doesn't matter. But remember, never make out with your insignificant other in the heat of battle, or your lips will get shot off…

…or worse.

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**I'm NOT A NAZI!**

**(But I like their uniforms! XD)

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**


	15. Inuyasha the Musical

**Trust me...read this at your own risk...**

**:S. Devilin:**

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In the world of Inuyasha fanfiction, authors and authoresses strive very hard to come up with the best story they could possibly make. What makes it sooooo hard for us is the simple fact that we want to be ORIGINAL in our works, yes? ON THE OTHER HAND, when we write romantic comedies, what are we reduced to? Two wannabe-lovebirds situations that are utterly wild, but still intrigue readers? It's still a mystery, but a good one.

Never has it crossed my mind that Inuyasha and Kagome would be involved in…that! Fanfiction is dangerous…

We find Kagome, Sango, Shippo, Miroku, and Kirara back in Feudal Japan. They are just sitting around the fire. The moon is bright and the stars are shining brightly in the sky.

…

…That's gay.

At any rate, Kagome looks around in confusion. The only things she sees in Miroku and Sago sitting closely to each other trying to warm up, and Shippo laying on Kirara eating fish.

"_Have you guys seen Inuyaaashaa?" _Kagome sang.

"_No, no no!" _Sango, Miroku, and Shippo sang back.

"_I will be back; I'm going to go look for him!" _

"_Be careful! Be careful! Kagome, be careful! There are demons out!" _the three sing as Kagome leaves and heads into the forest.

…Did I tell you this is a MUSICAL? Either get some earplugs ready, or go look at something else because this is some gay shit right here… (Everything in italics is singing.)

(In the Forest)

Inuyasha and Kikyo are holding one another in the simulated moonlight. Inuyasha was in a trance…again…and Kikyo couldn't be any happier.

Inuyasha and Kikyo:_ "Once again, we are togeeeeetheeeeeer._

_My love for you, can withstand harsh weaaaaatheeeeer._

_When we are with each other…_

_There is NEVER another…_

_I will be with you…even in death."_

Kagome: _"INUYASHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!"_

Kagome comes barging into the scene. Kagome sees Inuyasha and Kikyo together…just like in any other story…and gets madly upset. Kagome is on her knees, crying.

Kagome:_ "Oh, Inuyasha…how can you do this to me?"_

Inuyasha:_ "Wench, please! I do this in every STORYYYYYYYYYYYY!"_

Kagome:_ "Boo-hoo-hoo…Kikyo…what have I ever done to YOOOOOOOOOUUUU?"_

Kikyo:_ "You stole my man away from me, and now I'm taking him to Hell with me!"_

Kagome:_ "No, no! That isn't so! If you take him there, he'll die!"_

Inuyasha:_ "Wait a minute; I just realized… that I do not want to die!"_

Kikyo:_ "Do not listen to that whore!"_

Inuyasha:_ "I don't know who to believe!"_

Kagome:_ "Who do you love more?"_

Inuyasha:_ "Not THAT question!"_

Kikyo and Kagome:_ "ANSWER THE QUESTION!"_

Inuyasha:_…I have to say that this is not easy for me…_

_To choose the one I love most._

_One is a whiny bitch and the other is a ghost._

_But since you two insist on knowing…here I go…_

_The one I lovely the very most is none other than Kikyo."_

Kagome:_ "NO!"_

Kikyo:_ "Yes!"_

Kagome:_ "NO, NO, NOOOOOOOOO!" _

Kagome runs away out of their sight. Sango, Miroku, and Shippo see her run away, not saying anything to them. Being smart, they know what happened. Sobbing, Kagome jumps into the Bone Eaters Well to return to the future "never to comeback". Or so they say…

The next day , after being forced to retrieve her, Inuyasha goes through the well and meets Kagome. They exchange angry looks and snap at each other.

Kagome: _"What do you want from me?"_

Inuyasha: _"Shut up and come with me…"_

Kagome: _"Why must you be so rude?! Am I nothing to you?"_

Inuyasha: _"You are a jewel shard-finder!"_

Kagome: _"I am more than that you know!"_

Inuyasha: _"Oh wow…the reincarnation of Kikyo…"_

Kagome: _"That's another thing, why don't you get her to find the Shikon shards?"_

Inuyasha: _"I don't know where she is!"_

Kagome: _"I bet she's with Naraku, cheating on you!"_

Inuyasha: _"Screw you! That's not true!"_

Kagome: _"I think I'll go back in time with you, because I'll probably do it anyway._

_But you better learn to respect me, Okay?"_

Inuyasha: _"FEH!"_

Inuyasha and Kagome go back to Feudal Japan. Sango, Miroku, Kirara and Shippo are already engaged in battle. Kagura, Kanna, Kohaku were attacking. Quickly they joined in. Here, I am not going to describe the battle because that's out of the category…

After about two hours of fighting, Kagura, Kanna, and Kohaku trudge back to Naraku's castle in defeat. They cursed, they groaned, and they stopped going back altogether, mad because they have to go back to a funny-looking man dressed like a chimp.

Kagura, Kanna, Kohaku: "_IIIIIIIII ammm tried of working for a man that doesn't do anythiiiiiiing!_

_IIII_ _ammm sick of toiling for a guy who thinks he's a monkey-y!_

_Heee isss selfish and cruel and doesn't even pay me! _

_And. He. Is Tot-al-ly gay like his son Haku-doushi!"_

Hakudoushi: I heard that.

The three K's: Fuck you!

(Back with the Inuyasha Gang)

Inuyasha stares at Kagome with sad eyes. Just when he was about to say something sweet to her, here comes Koga, of all people, to mess it up.

Koga: "_Kagome, my love. Come with me if you please,_

_I would love for you to mate with me!"_

Inuyasha: "_You mangy wolf! Stay away from her! Can't you see we are busy?!"_

Koga: _Why do you want to be with a man, who yells, and curses, and smells? _

_Come, my darling, let me make you my queen, and I'll show you what a great man I'll be!"_

Inuyasha: _"YOU DON'T SMELL ANY BETTER! Get your hands off her!_

Shippo: _"This is going to go on forever…"_

Koga:_ I shouldn't waste my time on this puppy! Smell you later, dog-brain! And to my woman, I bid farewell, until we meet again!"_

Koga then disappears in a tornado and all sorts of stuff. But they aren't done yet. Just then, storming out of the sky is…well…you know…

Naraku: _I have come to claim the Sacred Shards, Inuyasha, give them to me, or die!"_

Kagome: _"YOU WILL NEVER GET THESE SHARDS YOU TWISTED FIEND!"_

Inuyasha_: "Yeah, what she said!"_

Sango and Miroku: _"Man, this is battle number ten!"_

Shippo: _"Come, Kirara, we must fight!"_

Sesshomaru: _"Why is this Sesshomaru here again?"_

Everyone: "Where did YOU come from?!"

Sesshomaru: _"_I have no idea…

_This Sesshomaru does not like Naraku so I will fight alongside._

_Rin, Jaken, go find some crappy place to hide!"_

Kagome: "_Inuyasha will protect me, he won't let me die…never…"_

Inuyasha: "_IRON REAVER-SOUL STEALER!!!!!!!!!!!!!"_

OH MY GOD, it's worse than I thought! Now they're SINGING THEIR ATTACKS! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

Let's zoom up a little. Naraku got hit, but ran away. What? You thought he was dead? Yeah right. This may be fanfiction, but let's be real here…anyhow, Sesshomaru walked off too. Just like he always does.

YOU CALL YOURSELF A MAN SESSHOMARU?! GO AHEAD AND WALK, LOSER!

This isn't over just yet…out of the blue, there is a spotlight on Inuyasha and Kagome. Everyone and everything else is pitch-black. I told you this was a musical…

Umm…are you still alive?

Whatever, it was intent to kill you anyway.

Inuyasha: Kagome?

Kagome: Yes, Inuyasha?

Inuyasha: How many times have I told you I love you?

Kagome: Umm…about 595,262 times.

Inuyasha: Well, I mean it…595,262 times.

Kagome: What about Kinky-ho?

Inuyasha: I was in a trance when I said I loved her. I really mean you. She is behind me.

Kagome: _"I feel our story was rushed my love, but it's alright with me, If it's alright with you…"_

Inuyasha:_ "It's alright with me, too. I am tired of singing but I will go on for you…_

Kagom_e_:_ Inuyasha, Inuyasha, I love you so…_

Inuyasha:_ Will you be my mate?"_

Kagome:_ Yes, I will be your mate!"_

They kiss.

Inuyasha and Kagome:_ "Once again, we are togeeeeetheeeeeer._

_My love for you, can withstand harsh weaaaaatheeeeer._

_When we are with each other…_

_There is NEVER another…_

_I will be with you…even in death."_

Damn, it's finally over. I myself was sick of it! Well, I promise I won't do it again. And let this be the only promise I EVER keep…

* * *

**Gayest. Stuff. Ever.

* * *

**


	16. Kagome the ? FIXED

**This one is a bit repetitive, so I don't mind too much if you don't like it. I didn't like it too much either but oh well. **

**Oh and by the way, THIS STORY WILL ASOLUTELY END AT CHAPTER 20! YOU HEAR ME?!?!? NO MORE AFTER CHAPTER 20! DON'T ASK FOR A SEQUEL EITHER (but I'm thinking about it..)**

**:S. Devilin:**

* * *

You how people say that they will love they're insignificant other no matter what they look like, and stuff like that? In this escape from the land of Inuyasha romantic comedies, I will put that to the test! Will Inuyasha love Kagome for who she is and not what she looks like? 

Not like it's been done already…

People this will get a bit repetitive.

(Monday!)

Kagome was your average schoolgirl. She got up, went to school, came home, ate, and then went to bed. She got up, went to school, came home, ate, and then went to bed. The cycle never ends. Until she met Inuyasha, broke the Sacred Jewel, and blah-blah-blah…

Today, Monday, things were different. Kagome's mom found a little charm necklace in the attic and figured Kagome would love it. So, she gave it to Kagome. When Kagome wore it, she became a DEMON!

Where have I seen this before…?

Excited and confused, Kagome ran off to see Inuyasha, just to show off and ask a simple question. When they met up, Inuyasha was surprised; Kagome was now a full demon with the same black hair, same brown eyes, but had dog ears and fangs.

I'VE SEEN THIS IN A PICTURE!

"Kagome…" Inuyasha stammered.

"Would you still love me if I was a demon?" Kagome asked.

Inuyasha thought about this. If Kagome was a demon, then they would have quarter human kids, and wouldn't be the laughing stock of the demons because they will be strong! He said, "Yes, Kagome, I will love you as a demon. I will love you no matter what you looked like."

Satisfied, Kagome went straight back home to her own time and took of the necklace. She became human again and never wore the necklace again.

(Tuesday!)

Kagome was your average schoolgirl. She got up, went to school, came home, ate, and then went to bed. She got up, went to school, came home, ate, and then went to bed. The cycle never ends. Until she met Inuyasha, broke the Sacred Jewel, and blah-blah-blah…

Today, Tuesday, things were different. Kagome's mom found a box of chocolates in the back of the refrigerator and figured Kagome would love it. So, she gave it to Kagome. When Kagome ate a piece, she became a HORSE!

Excited and confused, Kagome ran off to see Inuyasha, just to show off and ask a simple question. When they met up, Inuyasha was surprised; Kagome was now a beautiful black mare with beady brown eyes and an exotic green star on her head.

That's okay I guess…

"Kagome…" Inuyasha stammered.

"Would you still love me if I was a horse?" Kagome asked.

Inuyasha thought about this. He never considered doing THAT with a horse, and if he did, his children will be quarter human, half demon and some horse. But, they will be swift, and still pretty strong. He said, "Yes, Kagome, I will love you as a horse. I will love you no matter what you looked like."

Satisfied, Kagome went back home to her own time and upchucked the chocolate. She became human again and never ate any of the chocolate again.

(Wednesday!)

Kagome was your average schoolgirl. She got up, went to school, came home, ate, and then went to bed. She got up, went to school, came home, ate, and then went to bed. The cycle never ends. Until she met Inuyasha, broke the Sacred Jewel, and blah-blah-blah…

Today, Wednesday, things were different. Kagome's mom found a bottle of priceless perfume in her closet and figured Kagome would love it. So, she gave it to Kagome. When Kagome sprayed some on herself, she became a GIANT!

Excited and confused (Okay you would think she would be used to this crap by now!), Kagome ran off to see Inuyasha, just to show off and ask a simple question. When they met up, Inuyasha was surprised; Kagome was now an 88-foot giant. Besides the rapid growth spurt, she still looked the same.

Umm…

"Kagome…" Inuyasha stammered.

"Would you still love me if I was a giant?" Kagome asked.

Inuyasha thought about this. Again. It might be problem. Number one, if he gets that "animal" feeling, he would either have her to lay down or climb a beanstalk (courtesy of Jack, of course) just to get some. But, she is Kagome nonetheless and he'll get a fabulous view…I you know what I mean...He said, "Yes, Kagome, I will love you as a giant. I will love you no matter what you looked like."

Satisfied, Kagome went back home to her own time and took a shower. She became short again and never used the perfume again.

(Thursday!)

Kagome was your average schoolgirl. She got up, went to school, came home, ate, and then went to bed. She got up, went to school, came home, ate, and then went to bed. The cycle never ends. Until she met Inuyasha, broke the Sacred Jewel, and blah-blah-blah…

Today, Thursday, things were different. Kagome's mom found a bunny plushy in the basement and figured Kagome would love it. So, she gave it to Kagome. When Kagome hugged the cute little bunny, she became a LITTLE GIRL!

Excited and confused (I know, but that's how Kagome is…), Kagome ran off to see Inuyasha, just to show off and ask a simple question. When they met up, Inuyasha was surprised; Kagome was sweet, pure little girl wearing a short little dress that showed off her bloomers (old-school underwear), with cute little pigtails.

"Kagome…" Inuyasha stammered.

"Would you still love me if I was three-years old?" Kagome asked, sucking her thumb.

Inuyasha thought about it. Once again…No, he wasn't a pedophile, unlike that brother of his, Sesshomaru. But she was cute. He would love her as a daughter, not a mate. So…he again said, "Yes, Kagome, I will love you as a little girl. I will love you no matter what you looked like."

Satisfied, Kagome went back home to her own time and hugged it again. She became older again and threw the bunny away.

(Friday!)

Kagome was your average schoolgirl. She got up, went to school, came home, ate, and then went to bed. She got up, went to school, came home, ate, and then went to bed. The cycle never ends. Until she met Inuyasha, broke the Sacred Jewel, and blah-blah-blah…

Today, Friday, things were different. Kagome's mom found a pair of ruby-red slippers at the mall and figured Kagome would love it. So, she gave it to Kagome. When Kagome wore the shoes, she became a POKE'MON (Pikachu if you will)!

Excited and confused (one more after this…), Kagome ran off to see Inuyasha, just to show off and ask a simple question. When they met up, Inuyasha was surprised; Kagome was the most adorable little pikachu ever. And she had her uniform on to let him know it was her.

This is nuts!

"Kagome…" Inuyasha stammered.

"Would you still love me if I was a poke'mon, pika?" Kagome asked.

Inuyasha thought about it. AGAIN. Well…he likes poke'mon (A/N: Don't ask.). Oh, what the hell, why not? Once again, he said, "Yes, Kagome, I will love you as a poke'mon. I will love you no matter what you looked like."

Satisfied, Kagome went back home to her own time and took off the slippers (yes they were on when she was a pikachu). She became older again and sold them to a gypsy.

(Saturday! LAST DAY YAY!)

Kagome was your average schoolgirl. She got up, went to school, came home, ate, and then went to bed. She got up, went to school, came home, ate, and then went to bed. The cycle never ends. Until she met Inuyasha, broke the Sacred Jewel, and blah-blah-blah…

Today, Saturday, things were different. Kagome's mom found a can of coffee and figured Kagome would love SOME. So, she gave it to Kagome. When Kagome drank some, she became a MAN!

Excited and confused (now you know how much I copied and pasted), Kagome ran off to see Inuyasha, just to show off and ask a simple question. When they met up, Inuyasha was HORRIFIED (there we go!); Kagome was a very attractive man with long black hair, sexy brown eyes, and wore the same girls' uniform she—HE always wore.

Alright, now this is some Naraku shit!

"Kagome?!?" Inuyasha stammered.

"Would you still love me if I was a man?" Kagome asked, hugging him.

Inuyasha didn't have to think about this! "NO! I loved you as a demon, a horse, a giant, a little girl, and a poke'mon! But never, NEVER will I love you as a man! I'm not gay!"

"But I'm still Kagome on the inside!"

"Then you should be Kagome on the OUTSIDE, too!"

Kagome was now sad and angry. He said he would love her no matter what she looked like, so what's with the limit? She went back home to her time and destroyed her side of the well. She tried everything to turn herself back into a girl, but to no avail. Kagome began to cry until there was a knock on the door.

"Kagome, dear!" Sang her mom, opening the door. "Grandpa gave me this magical elixir and I figure you would love it!"

Without a word, Kagome got up, grabbed a lamp, and bashed it against her mom until she was dead.

"THAT'S WHAT YOU GET FOR RUINING MY LIFE!" Kagome screamed.

With this story, I conclude that "I will love you no matter what you look like" is a bunch of crap. Especially when someone like Inuyasha says it. If your man says that, leave him. If you say that to your girl, guys. Get ready to be tested…

…or dumped.

* * *


	17. Crossovered

**I'm suprised people liked chapter 16! Thanks! Copying and pasting is harder than it sounds...**

**Well here is the next chapter. Only THREE MORE CHAPTERS after this, them I'M DONE. YES!!!**

**:S. Devilin:**

* * *

It is very understandable that people like other shows, such as Naruto or Full Metal Alchemist or even Harry Potter. In Inuyasha fanfiction, one other is okay, but remember this when writing crossovers (if you please): 

Two is company, three's a crowd, and four and five is nine.

Here we are again, back in Feudal Japan. Naraku's dead but is somewhere reviving himself. Sango and Miroku are happy together (really…), and Shippo is somewhere…with Rin…doing…uh…stuff. So, that leaves us with our favorite, most honest pair Inuyasha and Kagome. We're in luck; because Inuyasha has finally broken down to tell Kagome he loves her.

YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY!!!!!!

"Kagome?" Inuyasha starts,

"Yes Inuyasha?" Kagome replies,

"I l—"

"Umm, excuse me, sister!" Someone interrupted. The two turned to see a boy about twelve with blond hair and a leaf-village headband. "I-I have noticed you from afar, and I-I think you're real pretty!"

"Now wait just a damn minute!" Inuyasha said angrily. "Can't you see we're busy? Right, Kag—KAGOME!?!"

"This Sesshomaru suddenly feels very attracted to your disgusting human body, quite in love with you and your absurd human tendencies…" Sesshomaru says to her, holding her hands in his own. Kagome looks embarrassed.

"Sesshomaru! Get away from her!" Inuyasha barks.

"Foolish little brother, can you not see we were meant for each other?"

"Yeah right, she's with _me_, pal!" Scoffs Edward Elrich. "I'm your man Kagome! And don't let the metal arm and leg fool you; I'm ALL man!"

"A VERY short man, at that." Ash Ketchum remarks. "I love you Kagome! Be with me and Pikachu. I'm done with trying to become a great Poke'mon Master and now what to be your great lover!"

"Where they hell are you all coming from?!?!?" Inuyasha complains, pushing pushed aside by more and more suitors from random shows that I the authoress can think of from the top of her head.

"Kagome, I want you!" Exclaims Kuwabura (from Yu Yu Hakusho)

"Kagome, I NEED you!" cries Ichigo (from Bleach)

Kagome I love you with all my heart!" says Piccolo (from Dragon Ball Z)

"I love you with all my soul!" said Hideki ( from Chobits)

"I love you with all my HEART and SOUL!" Hollers Jun (from Rozen Maiden. I love that show!)

"We were meant to be!" Shin yells (from Shin-Chan)

"I got flowers and chocolates just for you!" Spongebob cries!

"Exclusive tickets to an opera for me and you, Kagome!"

"Kagome!"

"Kagome!"

"Darling Kagome!"

"Kagome, my love!"

"Kaggy-baby!"

"QUIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEETTTTTTTTTTTT!"

Everyone stopped and stared at Kagome, who was fuming. She inhaled and exhaled deeply to regain composure. "Look, it's nice to know that there's someone that loves me, and it's nice that you all are saying all these nice things and giving me all these gifts. But I have no idea who the heck you guys are or where you came from."

"We're from other shows and stuff!" Harry Potter said. "We crossover with your show in fanfiction all the time!" All the other anime, cartoon, comic-book, and storybook guys agreed.

"You fall in love with us all the time!" Batman says flatly.

"And we love you, too!" Added Papa Smurf.

All the guys riles up in agreement again. Kagome looks at Inuyasha, who is safe, sitting atop a tree branch looking down at her. Sad. AWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW….

"Well, my one true love is here…and his name is INUYASHA!" (Saw that coming.)

While all the other guys from all those other shows became sad and emo, Inuyasha jumped down from the branch and swept Kagome off her feet and kissed her.

Usually, at this time, all the other guys would be leaving, but…

"Hey!" Shouted Roy Mustang, "That demon jerk is kissing our girl!"

"LET'S GET 'EM!" Chants all the other suitors. And they all started a riot and tried to attack Inuyasha, but they failed because none of them could catch him.

And somewhere, Koga has woken up from a terrible dream.

* * *


	18. Ugly Love

**Two more Chapters.**

**I'll be taking requestss for Chapter 19 NOW!**

**:S. Devilin:**

* * *

I'm supposed to be drawing right now, but my mind told me the faster I write, the quicker the series will end and I can go back to doing what I was born to do. I thought this was a pretty good deal, so here I am. 

And speaking of pretty, in our clichéd world, pretty will get you anything…so to speak. In a romantic comedy, when an ugly duckling becomes the most gorgeous swan in the lake, the world seems to stop and cater for them.

If you're ugly…it's all like "screw you, freak" now. It's not right, I know…

We will use Inuyasha as an example, because Kagome has been used too often and is probably suffering from severe identity crisis right now, simply going form fugly to smokin' hot back and forth, back and forth. Inuyasha wasn't the loveliest plant in the garden; he was wittily described as more of a stinkweed that a rose or a chrysanthemum. He had nappy long hair and HUGE bifocals and braces with embarrassing, corrective headgear. His clothes were always baggy because they were secondhand (they used to be Sesshomaru's), he had acne scars everywhere and he had a tendency to stutter.

From Kindergarten through High School, Inuyasha was made fun of. And through Middle School through High School, he was in love with a girl named Kagome, who was beautiful beyond belief.

Or so I was told…

Despite the fact that she made fun of him the most, Inuyasha would dream, and stare, and write poetry (knowing he can't spell for crap) about her. One day, Inuyasha created the biggest Valentine's Day card known to man, just for her. However, since it came from the monstrously ugly dork named Inuyasha she felt so disgraced and pissed that she not only tore it up IN FRONT OF HIS FACE, she threw it in the dumpster, burned the dumpster (because it was contaminated by a creation Inuyasha's) and beaten him up.

Poor Inuyasha was never heard from again since…

…

…Until after college.

Kagome was with her friends at the airport. They were told to pick up the Chairman of Some Random Demon-Ran Company Co. and bring him to the Some Random Human-Owned Company Corp. If he liked what the human company had to offer, they would merge and they will become richer and higher pay and Blah, blah, blah. Kagome doesn't know what he looks like, but they didn't have to wait long, because just then, coming out of the terminal gate was…

JAKEN!

…Just kidding. It was Inuyasha, or at least the much hotter version we see on T.V. every weeknight at around 11:30 P.M.

Now that Inuyasha is pretty, His life was great. He got a huge mansion, a job that will set him for life, even if he worked only a week there (he doesn't don't worry), a chick-magnet car, vacation homes in all seven continents, and plenty of women who wanted him…

…for his fortune. When Inuyasha saw Kagome, he was surprised to see her, but he was also upset.

'_There's Kagome,' _He thought. _'She made my life miserable because I was ugly, even though I loved her. I bet now that I'm sexy and what not she'll love me and I'll try not to love her back because of the past. BUT, in the long run I will love her because I always have unconditionally and then we'll probably get married and have kids and start the adventure all over again.'_

That fool just told the whole fucking story!

'_I think I should maybe change my name, and start over.' _"Hello, I am the Chairman. You can just call me…" He paused to think. "…Buffy."

"Inuyasha, that's not your name." Miroku said, putting down his sign. He and Sango were his only friends.

Well, that idea went down the drain.

"Inu—yasha?" Kagome stammered, staring at his handsome-ness.

"Hi." Inuyasha said blankly.

"Well, I guess we should take you to your hotel now, Inuyasha. You need to rest up for tomorrow's meeting." Sango said, as they grabbed his bags.

"Nah. I'm not tired, and I don't feel like going to the hotel yet. But I want some ice cream."

Me too.

"Well count me in!" Kagome stated.

"Me too!" Sango said.

"We can go back to that ice cream shop that we used to go to in High School." Miroku suggested.

"Sounds great," Inuyasha replied. "I remember how our parents told us that we were forbidden to go there. I mean, come on, how can you prohibit people to go to an ice cream shop?"

---

"Welcome to CandyFETISH Ice Cream Shoppe, the only ice cream place your momma WON'T take you. How may I help ya?" The six-year old girl at the register said. She had over 10 tattoos and stood on a stool to see over the counter in her cute blue cigarette girl outfit. Her nametag said "Charlemagne" (By the way, you might see the girl and the store again.)

"Hi, two Suicide Girl Sundaes, a quadruple-scoop of Peppermint with whipped cream, and a Raver's Special for me, please." Inuyasha (A/N: Suicide Girls are Puck/Goth/Rocker Pin-up models found on the internet)

"…$3.52, dude." (That's some dirt cheap ice cream!)

Inuyasha pays the girl and she gets makes the orders ready. Miroku and Sango decided that they leave Inuyasha and Kagome alone, to be good friends and let them talk. Inuyasha was uneasy, as he picked at the neon-colored sprinkles and crushed bits of Ecstasy pills with his spoon. Kagome would switch from looking at him to looking at the hot-pink silhouette of a woman on the Sundae dish.

"Inuyasha, I'm sorry for making fun of you." Kagome said, breaking the silence. "And knowing that you told the story in your thought's a few paragraphs back, I am confirming that I love you and want to say that it's okay if you hate me or don't love me like that anymore."

Inuyasha took a scoop of his ice cream and said, "You're late in that apology Kagome. Now you love me?"

"Yes. It's cliché, I know."

"And my clichéd, sped-up answer is I love you too. I kind of ruined the story in my thoughts, so I have to continue loving you despite the past without interrupting reminders of how you treated me."

"Well, I don't know if this will make you feel any better, but…" Kagome took out a piece of tissue from her purse and rubbed it all over her face, revealing ugly sores and scars and blotchy skin. She put on a pair of bifocals that had lenses so thick her eyes were as big as dinner plates. She grabbed her teeth and pulled them out, showing Inuyasha her real teeth: a horribly unnatural, extreme case of gingivitis, complete with smallish green teeth and purplish-black gums. Now that her true self has been exposed, all the dishes exploded by themselves, and Charlemagne almost stated a fire with the waffle iron.

"…I'm hideous" Kagome continued (yes you ARE!). "I had suffered for a rare extreme case of gingivitis last year. I had suffered acne problems in college and tried to treat them by using sharp objects instead of creams and stuff. And my eyes? My vision was horrible since I was in Preschool. Contacts made me look less like a nerd, but only half-worked, unlike these." Kagome pointed to her bifocals

"Now you know how I felt." Inuyasha mumbled. He's getting mushy again folks. "This is a table-turner isn't it? I was ugly and I loved you. Now you're ugly and love me. You didn't love me when I was ugly. And I shouldn't love you now. But I'm not like that."

Aw, Inuyasha…why did you have to ruin it by loving Kagome's ugly ass? She hated you remember?

Hate her back, dammit!

"I love you, Kagome."

"I love you too, Inuyasha."

Damn.

-Sigh-…This friggin' sucks ass. Oh well. Inuyasha decided that his company should merge with Kagome's. They became quite rich and got married and ad kids. They weren't very ugly, but they did go through the same things their parents did.

And so their children's children…

And their children's children's children…

And so on and so forth.

Life is grand, even for the fugly.

* * *


	19. A POSTIVE Author's Note

Hello everyone. I KNOW I'm not supposed to be posting Author's Notes only chapters like this but I just want to thank you now for all your reviews before posting the REAL Chapter 19 (hey! That means one more chapter you can look at and be happy! Oh and it's done).

Don't worry, what you are about to read isn't some run-of-the-mill sob-story (no offense) Author's Note.

For "Oh God! Another Damned Romantic Comedy!" on Sunday, July 22, 2007 at 6:11 P.M., so far it has received a whooping total of 7031 HITS, 33 FAVORITES, and 11 ALERTS !

No, it may not sound spectacular, but big numbers like that make me feel special and talented.

But here is what I'm really happy about. For this collection of terrible cruel parodies you all seem to like so much, it has received over 100 reviews!

Still not a spectacular number, because I've seen stories with over 200, even over 300 reviews. But still, you know?

As a "reward", I'm going to DRAW something for you. It's the least I can do right now. I ain't got a job, nor money as it is. Trust me; it'll be more than a doodle. (Sorry, it's not fan art either, I'm not ready for that…) Until it's done, THEN I'll post Chapter 19!

Thank you so much for putting up my bitchy-ness and cruel plots your loving characters have to go through. I would love to hear from you all! I LOVE YOU ALL...sort of...

**---**

**Thank you very, very much!**

**:S. Devilin:**


	20. Student Screws Teacher

**FINALLY THIS IS UP! **

**You know what that means?**

**YOUR GIFT IS UP TOO! GO TO MY PROFILE TO LOOK!**

**Oh, And Chapter 16 is fixed.**

**My spacebar is acting like a little bitch right now so I'm writing and updating slower...**

**:S. Devilin:**

**Please thank hippy-chicky for this chapter! It was her idea!**

* * *

Let's make this short and sweet; people are imaginative. How else do you think people come up with these wild, sick, even overly-romantic scenarios? Inspiration is a major factor, yes, but… 

WHERE THE HELL DID THIS COME FROM?!?

This shameful, sick, twisted, I-didn't-come-up-with-this-shit parody takes place—sigh—dammit…back…in…High School…yet again…

…ugh… is it over yet?

Kagome was a normal schoolgirl who has a stupendous. She was nice and giving and shit like that. She was an honors student, had the best attendance, and other useless crap like that, too. Kagome was adored by all the teachers and liked by MOST of her fellow students.

…until of course everyone found about her little flings with the new teacher. Trust me, I've seen this before. Maybe not on fanfiction, but it happens.

It all started when Kagome's old History teacher retired in the middle of the year. Kagome and the rest of her classmates were waiting for the new teacher.

Remember Chapter One of this collection? There's no slow-motion here, but when the teacher came in all was silent.

Wow, that makes it sound important, doesn't it?

And of course it was Inuyasha who came in.

The one person who is usually portrayed as a redneck, dumb-as-hell hottie is the new History teacher. Smart…cute...has class…

Umm…cute.

This MUST be fanfiction!

"Hello class. I'm Mr. Takahashi." Inuyasha said (Creator reference XD). "I'm your new History teacher. So sit down, shut up, and let's begin."(Same as ever.)

Kagome couldn't help to fall for her teacher. She could have been herself, but she knew that that would never get his attention. So she intentionally started to fail all her tests and quizzes for the past half-month to get his attention. Inuyasha—or Mr. Takahashi—had no choice but to tutor her.

Wait a minute. You don't get tutored on History!

Anyway, Kagome stayed after-school with Inuyasha. Inuyasha gave her this long speech about how he was ashamed of her.

"I'm ashamed of you!" Inuyasha repeated what was in the above line. "You were my best student! Now even KOGA's work looks like 'A' material and he can't read pass Third-Grade level!"

And you know Koga is dumb...admit it!

"Mr. Takahashi, I have a confession to make." Kagome replies in guilt. "I know everything in the book, I just wanted to get closer to you…I kinda…love you."

"I…love you, Kagome. And call me Inuyasha."

WHAT?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?

"Now that we got that out of the way, what now?" Inuyasha asked.

"I know!" Kagome said seductively, pushing off all the papers on his desk.

You should already know that that means that Inuyasha and that dirty whore started making out (thanks hippy-chicky!). Unbeknownst—and it's always that way—Miroku was watching through the WIDE OPEN DOOR!

That's new. Usually, it's either cracked or they look through the window in the door.

Miroku was having a grand ol' time being a voyeur. Not only did he pull up a chair and ate popcorn, he invited Sango.

…Who invited Shippo,

…Who invited Koga,

…Who invited Ayame,

…Who invited Kagura,

…Who invited Naraku,

…Who invited Kanna,

…Who invited Kohaku,

…Who invited Hakudoushi,

…Who invited Rin (who was just visiting that day),

…Who invited Sesshomaru, THE (vice) PRINCIPAL!

THE GANG'S ALL HERE!

"See, Sesshomaru-sama, they're over here!" Rin exclaimed, leading her daddy by the hand.

"This better be good, Rin." Sesshomaru said, emotion-free.

"Dude, pass the damn popcorn!" Kohaku said to Koga, who was hogging all the treats.

"Uh-oh! It's (vice) Principal Taisho!" Sango yelled. But no one moved.

When Sesshomaru got there to see what was going on, his eyes got so big, they almost popped out of his head and covered Rin's eyes.

"HARDER INUYASHA HARDER!" Kagome screamed (A/N: I'm a perv XD!)

"LITTLE BROTHER!" He screamed. Inuyasha and Kagome shot up from off the desk, clothes non-existent.

"This isn't what it looks like!" Inuyasha said, struggling to put his pants on.

"Save it for your wife and five children." Sesshomaru stated, staring at Kagome like everyone else behind him.

Now, back to the present. People either just stare at Kagome or call her an "A+ Whore" or "Teacher's Sex Kitten" and worse. Kikyo, Inuyasha's wife, doesn't know a damn thing about anything. Inuyasha himself? He still has hi job and he still has flings with Kagome…until she got pregnant.

And THEN Kikyo knew because it was on the friggin' news!

"I KNEW you were cheating on me!" Kikyo screeched when she saw it with their three boys and two girls. "What? I'm not good enough for you?! You trying to leave me for that jail-bait?! You want a freakin' Barbie? Always trying to chase after some tits! What about the ass, Nig—"

The Authoress is stopping her right there. Now back to our original story.

Inuyasha didn't classify Kagome as someone he can do at work. He felt that the thing he had with Kagome was REAL LOVE.

It's also "Real Love" when you have FIVE little bastards with your wife, loser!

Despite all the words and glares, Kagome and Inuyasha eloped in Vegas and had a kid, little Inuyasha Jr..

And speaking of Holy Matrimony…that takes us to our LAST CHAPTER…

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**:Yes, There will be a sequel.:**

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